Posted by Michele Olson
There was a recent article in Redbook Magazine by Ylonda Gault Caviness that is one of the best down-to-earth articles I have read on marriage. Entitled 8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage, the writer points out that even if we are in touch with reality, there’s something deep down inside that still sees ourselves riding off in the sunset to experience happily ever after. Here’s an overview of the points, and a few little synopsis comments from me too!
You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
Remember that old song, if that’s all there is my friend…then let’s keep dancing….and then something about booze! The author points out that if you’ll let go of all the “ga ga” stories of eternal bliss and be in the moment, you just might realize that a real marriage is far more rewarding.
You’ll work harder than you ever imagined.
The issue with people is - once you’ve mastered what you think you need to master about them, they change. (The alternative; Stepford people. That’s not a pretty thought!) You’re never finished and neither is the hard work of having a healthy marriage.
You will sometimes go to bed mad and wake up even madder!
Remember that old song, if that’s all there is my friend…then let’s keep dancing….and then something about booze! The author points out that if you’ll let go of all the “ga ga” stories of eternal bliss and be in the moment, you just might realize that a real marriage is far more rewarding.
You’ll work harder than you ever imagined.
The issue with people is - once you’ve mastered what you think you need to master about them, they change. (The alternative; Stepford people. That’s not a pretty thought!) You’re never finished and neither is the hard work of having a healthy marriage.
You will sometimes go to bed mad and wake up even madder!
Another way of looking at it: sleep on it! Sleep brings a greater calm, a new perspective and let’s face it, lessens the urge to do something drastic which would feel so good in the heat of the moment.
You will go without sex – sometimes for a long time- and that’s okay.
Say what? The author points out that no matter how drop-dead gorgeous your spouse is, or not…there are times you don’t feel like having sex that have nothing to do with them.
For example, sometime sleep is more important than sex. You are encouraged to not believe what the soap operas portray about intimate regularity and instead find your own rhythm as a couple.
Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
When it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong…just two different ways of looking at things.
A great marriage doesn’t mean a lack of conflict, it simply means a couple is trying to get it right.
Take that Ward and June Cleaver! (Wait, they did have some conflicts about the Beaver!)
You’ll realize that you can only change yourself.
And no matter how noble your efforts as to why the other person should change, this whole tactic is exhausting and just plain doesn’t work.
As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find what you’re really made of.
If you even thought you had issues, you’re going to find out in no uncertain terms you do have issues, and that you are a work in progress. Oh, and look back at number 2 again.
So there you have it… the author’s 8 points and my take on some comments to follow.
Now…before you run off to read the whole article, why not send this to a friend or leave a comment? What point really struck home with you? Feel free to come back and leave a comment after reading it too.
There’s some good discussion here….let’s talk! Redbook article
You will go without sex – sometimes for a long time- and that’s okay.
Say what? The author points out that no matter how drop-dead gorgeous your spouse is, or not…there are times you don’t feel like having sex that have nothing to do with them.
For example, sometime sleep is more important than sex. You are encouraged to not believe what the soap operas portray about intimate regularity and instead find your own rhythm as a couple.
Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
When it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong…just two different ways of looking at things.
A great marriage doesn’t mean a lack of conflict, it simply means a couple is trying to get it right.
Take that Ward and June Cleaver! (Wait, they did have some conflicts about the Beaver!)
You’ll realize that you can only change yourself.
And no matter how noble your efforts as to why the other person should change, this whole tactic is exhausting and just plain doesn’t work.
As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find what you’re really made of.
If you even thought you had issues, you’re going to find out in no uncertain terms you do have issues, and that you are a work in progress. Oh, and look back at number 2 again.
So there you have it… the author’s 8 points and my take on some comments to follow.
Now…before you run off to read the whole article, why not send this to a friend or leave a comment? What point really struck home with you? Feel free to come back and leave a comment after reading it too.
There’s some good discussion here….let’s talk! Redbook article
2 comments:
Very good tips and positive information. The key to a great relationship is communication. And normally that does not happen over night. During the first few years of my marriage I was ready to throw in the towel. Who know marriage could be so difficult or be such hard work. I thought if you loved someone things would be great and life would be easy..
I'm so glad my husband and I stayed together or else I would not no what true love really is.
After 13 years of marriage I can say I love my husband more now than on the day we were married. we have a true bond, love and commitement that we created together (in good times and bad). Our patience, listening and understanding of each others needs is what has made and saved our marriage.
Please keep on providing the helpful hints and knowlege on how to keep your marriage strong.
It's wonderful and sound advise for us all.
MD is Green Bay
Thanks for the good feedback MD..and the encouragement to everyone to keep going even when it doesn't feel like you want to! You know that song.." I want to know what love is...I want you to show me..." Imagine the chorus chiming in.."It's hard work, baby"...hmmm would that have affected that song moving up the charts? Keep blogging!
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