Sunday, November 01, 2009

Everyone Intends to Stay Married…So What’s the Problem?

posted by Michele Olson

(Paraphrased from

Typical scenario.

Boy meets girl. Spark. Interest. Courtship of some kind. Next, they actually feel so strongly about each other that they agree to spend the rest of their lives together.

Those are some pretty strong feelings to be able to make a decision like that.

Engagement. Marriage.

What is one of the number indicators as to whether this couple will not end up in divorce?
Is it a guess, a shake of the dice, something no one can predict?


In fact, researchers can now predict with 90% accuracy which engaged couples will fail or succeed.

It’s those who never fight…never disagree on anything…right? Wrong!

Successful couples have the same number of disagreements as those who end up divorcing.

And they all fight about pretty much the same things: in-laws, housework, sex, kids, money and time. So..what’s the deal?

It all comes down to how they fight, how they handle their differences. The couples who “make it “ disagree in a way that makes their relationship stronger…not in a way that tears it apart. The good news is; destructive skills can be unlearned. Shiny new effective skills can be learned about communication and conflict resolution.

The question is…do you want to be in the 90 percentile?
We can help with classes, online and on the ground and relationship coaching. Thoughts?


Marie said...

I love this post. It took me so long to realize that avoiding conflict (and handling it poorly when I ended up dealing with it) is not the way to have a successful relationship. It would be great to see more examples of healthy communication in our society. said...

Hi Marie...
If the big "C" word (communication) could be more prevalent than the big "D" word (divorce) ...wouldn't that be grand?
Thanks for blogging...we're here for you!

M. Denise Wilmer Barreto said...

Great post.

This is true in all relational areas... at work, with family and friends. said...

Thanks M,
Too bad we don't start learning it from kindergarten on. Healthy ways to communicate....that would change the world!
thanks for blogging!