Monday, July 06, 2009

Romance or BFF?

posted by Michele Olson

Is your spouse your best friend…your BFF?

An Illinois columnist, Ken Potts of the Daily Herald has a good article talking about that, and why friendship is more important than romance. He cites that researchers estimate that only about 20 percent of marriages - two out of 10 - really meet the expectations,fulfill the hopes, make real the dreams of the men and women involved.

Unto itself, that’s a rather discouraging number. As the article points out, there is good news about what you can do about helping grow that statistic in a positive manner.

We have a pretty good idea what works.

Think about your friends in life. Why are they your friends? Usually you like the same things and you have similarities in your life experiences and values. When you think of a friend, you think of someone who is there for you through thick and thin.

Now think about the springboard for many marriages….it’s romance. Those euphoric feelings that are based on exactly that…feelings. While the best of both worlds is experiencing both…anyone who has been married for any length of time knows that romance is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs.

Friendship on the other hand…that can be an enduring glue that will hold a marriage together through life. In our society, we love romance, horse drawn carriages, riding off into the sunset and the idea of eyes meeting across a crowded room, unable to resist each other. It’s definitely heady stuff, but can a lifelong relationship be built on romance without the fundamental elements of friendship?

One of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally, is a great example of friendship that becomes love. If you’ve never seen it, it’s worth it.

What do you think? Do you think friendship is even more important than romance? Which should come first? Is your spouse your best friend?


Jen-After the Alter said...

I LOVE When Harry met Sally! I think friendship is very very important. I certainly married my best friend and love doing things with him. Obviously romance is a necessary part...but I do believe the basis should be on friendship! said...

Thanks for the comment Jen...yes..I love that movie too. It is a good example of friendship which turned to romance, but kept the friendship. I wonder what would happen if we could get everyone to start out as friends?

M. Denise Wilmer Barreto said...

I agree with this post 100%. In fact, during difficult times - I remember why we became friends in the first place and hold on to that to carry me out of the ill feelings or anger that we all face in our marriages from time to time.

Thanks for sharing. said...

I had a little insight when writing the blog because I started out as friends with my now husband of 30 plus years...and being friends is so important. A solid friendship and thinking about how you would or wouldn't treat a friend can be very important in those moments of choosing how to treat each other.
Thanks for blogging!

Sylvia Hubbard said...

i learned the hard way that my friend should also be my husband when my first marriage failed because we didn't care enough about each other to please each other.

I learned friends do things for each other even if they don't like to do it.

Friends make each other feel better.

Firends even when they are not around won't disrespect the other. It's a thing you just don't do.

Friends follow the rules for friendship - and there's a lot - even the 'house rules' - the ones you make up as you go.

husbands, lovers, and partners aren't restricted by these delicate important rules, but friends are.

If you aren't friends and/or even best friends with your mate, you really are heading for failure.

Don't be scured though. There's still time to revive or make a new friendship.

And trust me its so cool when you can enjoy something with a friend who you are bonded to forever.

rant and rave from blogger @ how to love a black woman. said...

Hi Sylvia...
You have some wonderful words of wisdom that you have shared. Thanks for taking the time to do that! You gave us more food for thought. Keep blogging!