Monday, May 03, 2010

Are you an emotionally abusive person?

posted by Michele Olson

Here's a big question: Are you emotionally abusive?
Writing for Psychology Today, Steven Stosney gives a very good definition and portrayal of what emotional abuse is. There's also a quiz you can take, but to wet your appetite to find out are some questions you can answer as a man or a woman to find out more about yourself. From the article:

If you're a man, ask yourself these questions:
Does it feel like your wife or girlfriend pushes your buttons?
Does she have a way of putting you in a bad mood?
Are there times when you don't want to speak to her or be around her?
Do you feel like you overlook a lot or swallow a lot, until you can't stand it anymore?
Does she frequently "do things the wrong way?"
Can you be having a nice time and then out of nowhere she says or does something to set you off?
Are you sometimes on edge about having a bad or unpleasant evening?
Does it feel like you have to criticize her for not being more efficient, reliable, or a better person?
Does it feel like she makes you yell or shut down when you really don't want to raise your voice or be in a bad mood at all?
Do you treat her in ways you couldn't have imagined when you first started loving her?

If you answered yes to any of the above, here are some things that your wife or girlfriend probably says about you:

He's so moody.
He doesn't see or hear me.
I feel like I'm his possession.
I can't be myself; I have to think, feel, and behave the way he wants.
Nothing I do is good enough.
I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

If you're a woman, ask yourself these questions:
Do you sometimes make your man feel like a failure as a provider, partner, parent, or lover?
Do you feel like you have to tell him the same thing over and over and over?
Does he tell you that you sometimes yell and scream or lash out at him?
Do your girlfriends ever remark that you might treat him badly?
Do you automatically blame him when things go wrong?
Do you resort to name-calling, swearing at him, or putting him down?
Do you demean or belittle him in front of other people or your children?
Do you threaten to take his children away so he will never see them?
Are you often jealous and want to know where he is at all times?
Would your family and friends be surprised to know how you treat him behind closed doors?
If you answered yes to any of the above, here are some things that your husband or boyfriend probably says about you:
She's a nag.
She's so moody.
She's so unpleasant to be around.
I just want her to leave me alone.
Nothing I do is good enough.
I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.

Steven's article gives you some insight into the way out of being an emotionally abusive person.

Read the article, and don't be afraid to ask yourself this tough question. Comments to share with our readers?

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