Wednesday, March 11, 2009

And Then The Fight Started

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

Have you seen these: And that’s when the fight started jokes circulating? They are pretty comical.

So, what do people in a marital relationship fight about?

Is it the toothpaste cap left off, the in-laws, money, who is in control or sex?

Yes! Married couples fight about chores, time on the computer, jobs, recreation, neatness, infidelity, sex, kids, annoying habits…so many topics, I could go on and on!

Why fight? To clear the air, to resolve issues, for control, to vent, to win…lots of reasons there too.

It’s not the fact that people fight, disagree, have “discussions”…the point is; do you fight fair? Without fighting fair you are just causing lots of bad feelings and not getting anywhere. So instead of the old movie line “I hate it when we fight!” It should be, “I hate the damage we cause when we don’t fight fair.”

Here are some guidelines to fighting fair
· It’s not about winning, it’s about fighting for your marriage
· Listen to hear rather than being busy thinking up your response.
· Don’t assume or fancy yourself a mind reader, they don't really exist
· If you know you are too worked up, take a break first
· Find the “win win” whenever possible
· Forgiveness is an important part of fighting fair
· Use the technique of repeating back, “So what I think I hear you saying is…” and then be
prepared to listen again in case you are way off
· Take responsibility in an honest way for what you have contributed to a problem

Just some basic guidelines for fighting fair…the only productive way or reason to “fight.”

Here’s another giggle:

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

Tell us about your fights. Do you fight fair? Can you work on your style of fighting?

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