Who Knew?

Posted by Michele Olson

There was a recent article in Redbook Magazine by Ylonda Gault Caviness that is one of the best down-to-earth articles I have read on marriage. Entitled 8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage, the writer points out that even if we are in touch with reality, there’s something deep down inside that still sees ourselves riding off in the sunset to experience happily ever after. Here’s an overview of the points, and a few little synopsis comments from me too!

You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?

Remember that old song, if that’s all there is my friend…then let’s keep dancing….and then something about booze! The author points out that if you’ll let go of all the “ga ga” stories of eternal bliss and be in the moment, you just might realize that a real marriage is far more rewarding.

You’ll work harder than you ever imagined.

The issue with people is - once you’ve mastered what you think you need to master about them, they change. (The alternative; Stepford people. That’s not a pretty thought!) You’re never finished and neither is the hard work of having a healthy marriage.

You will sometimes go to bed mad and wake up even madder!

Another way of looking at it: sleep on it! Sleep brings a greater calm, a new perspective and let’s face it, lessens the urge to do something drastic which would feel so good in the heat of the moment.

You will go without sex – sometimes for a long time- and that’s okay.

Say what? The author points out that no matter how drop-dead gorgeous your spouse is, or not…there are times you don’t feel like having sex that have nothing to do with them.
For example, sometime sleep is more important than sex. You are encouraged to not believe what the soap operas portray about intimate regularity and instead find your own rhythm as a couple.

Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.

When it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong…just two different ways of looking at things.

A great marriage doesn’t mean a lack of conflict, it simply means a couple is trying to get it right.

Take that Ward and June Cleaver! (Wait, they did have some conflicts about the Beaver!)

You’ll realize that you can only change yourself.

And no matter how noble your efforts as to why the other person should change, this whole tactic is exhausting and just plain doesn’t work.

As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find what you’re really made of.

If you even thought you had issues, you’re going to find out in no uncertain terms you do have issues, and that you are a work in progress. Oh, and look back at number 2 again.

So there you have it… the author’s 8 points and my take on some comments to follow.
Now…before you run off to read the whole article, why not send this to a friend or leave a comment? What point really struck home with you? Feel free to come back and leave a comment after reading it too.
There’s some good discussion here….let’s talk! Redbook article

The Marriage of Joan and Bob

posted by Michele Olson

What do you mean when at your wedding you say; “for better or for worse, till death do us part.”

Those words have great meaning for Joan and Bob Waldusky. Joan is 49 years old and lives with her husband Bob in Menasha, WI. She has a terminal disease called Huntington’s chorea which causes symptoms like involuntary body movements, impaired neurological activity and frequent falls. In addition, Joan’s condition is heightened because of pre-existing disabilities from an auto accident. She can no longer attend to her own needs like personal care or meal preparation. Her husband Bob has temporarily retired to become Joan’s full-time care attendant so she can live her life to its fullest in a loving home environment. Mobility issues now require Joan to have 24/7 monitoring for personal safety, and Bob wants to be the one to provide it for her.

Why is all of this on a thinkmarriage.org blog?

Maybe because Joan and Bob’s story will make us all stop for a moment and think about our own commitment to the healthy relationships in our lives. Maybe we’ll think about the fact that healthy relationships don’t necessarily mean “bodily health.” Joan and Bob are Myth-Busting Marriage Champions who live out what it means every day to incorporate good communication and conflict resolution skills into a less than ideal situation.

Their vision is even bigger than the two of them. There is going to be a Benefit and Spaghetti Feed coming up on Sept. 22nd, from 11:30 am to 5:00 pm at the National Guard Armory, 2801 W. Second St. in Appleton, WI. The monies raised in this benefit will be used for care and expenses not covered by medical assistance, to improve their housing situation to make it more handicapped accessible. And here’s an insight into how Joan and Bob think;
“Joanie’s Huntington’s House” will eventually become part of the Joan Waldusky Foundation and serve as a fully furnished temporary hospice to couples facing terminal illness.

To donate to monies, building materials, craftsmanship, auction/raffle items or help at this upcoming non-profit event, contact Bob via email at rwaldusky@new.rr.com, or call 920-558-4117. You can also contact the Community Benefit Tree, the fiscal non-profit partner handling the funds at: http://www.communitybenefittree.org/

For the next few weeks when we think about marriage, let’s think about dear people like Joan and Bob Waldusky and the kind of example their commitment and love is to all of us.