Take Note David Letterman

posted by Michele Olson


Are you a fan of lists in general and possibly the Late Shows Top 10 List?

Here's an overview list of 10 things you can think about that can get you on the road to a healthier marriage. It would be fun if you and your spouse would use it as a springboard to make your own personal list with the title:

10 things I can do to have a healthy marriage.

Why not give it a try and let us know what happens!


10 things you can do to have a healthy marriage

1. Spend time with each other.

2. Learn to negotiate conflict.

3. Show respect for each other at all times.

4. Learn about yourself first.

5. Explore intimacy.

6. Explore common interests.

7. Create a spiritual connection.

8. Improve your communication skills. (check out thinkmarriage.org and take a class!)

9. Forgive each other.

10. Look for the best in each other.


Do you have a top 10 version to share?

DISTANCE or “Am I worth more than $3.92 to you?”

THIRD blog (scroll down or look in blog archives to read Sarah's past blogs) Welcome to a guest blogger, Sarah Nass, Brown County Director here at thinkmarriage and someone who is newly engaged! We thought you would really enjoy following Sarah’s journey from how she and Tim met and all the adventures along the way to their wedding. As a trained healthy relationship facilitator, Sarah is getting first- hand knowledge on putting her education, into practical action. Tune in to this blog often to keep up to date with Sarah and Tim’s story!

Sarah writes:

Tim lives about 30 miles from where I do, so one of the things we’ve had to work through is distance. I know, I know, 30 miles is nothing compared to some long distance relationships out there, but with gas prices the way they are…believe me, it matters. We worked out somewhat of a system. We’d see each other maybe twice on weekends, he’d come up here one time, I’d travel there one time. We also began talking on the phone every night. We didn’t plan that, it just happened on its own. Both of us have shared since then that our day just didn’t seem complete until we had connected with the other, even just briefly.

Trying develop a realistic plan to get to know one another, be smart about our personal schedules, and not go broke seeing each other was one of the first challenges we faced. It was difficult for me initially, because I wondered why we didn’t see each other more often. Tim was patient and tried to explain just how much it would cost us financially if we saw each other more than 2-3 times a week every week. Not including eating out, or costs of other activities. I can remember doubting sometimes if I was worth it, or if I was expecting too much, or if he really liked me, or…or…and my mind took off, out of control. (Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. That irrational fear/anxiety/doubt/control that takes over, and if we’re not careful to nip it in the bud it is bound to start conflict, and not in a healthy, everyone wins sort of way!)

It took a few tries, but we figured it out, and I saw his point. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see me, it was more that if we wanted to keep this relationship at a healthy and safe pace as well as a financially wise one (think quality, not quantity, and also longevity versus burnout) we needed to keep our visits to 2-3 a week. That also helped us keep our own identities sound and stable instead of getting so caught up in one another that we lost them, or left our friends in the dust.
I should note too, that we try to keep our activities focused around things we can afford (we splurge sometimes!), that we both enjoy, that teach us something, and that promote good conversation. For example, within the first couple months, I brought with me on our date the workbook from How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk(ette). In the back is a section called “99 Questions to Ask in the Premarital Process”. I thought, “I wonder how easily he scares?” We have found it to be a very useful tool in addressing topics and helping to shape our conversation to deliberately get to know one another. We called these dates “Business Meetings”, dates that we specifically wanted to address particular issues or topics.

I am not advocating that you make it a formal, dry event, but be purposeful in getting to know one another. Learning as much as you can about the other person is one of the most important things you can do, whether you’re single or married.

It is key in building trust.

What's next for Tim and Sarah? Stay tuned...

Poll Finds Americans Still Believe in Marriage

posted by Michele Olson

Turns out people still know a good thing when they see it. We all know the sad 50% divorce statistic, and we might be thinking people don't believe in marriage anymore.

Not so according to results from a new GK Roper poll.

The article states that marriage is so valued by society that people look at it as a goal in life. If you have the ability to talk to some teenagers, ask them if they hope to be married someday. You'll find even in an unscientific study that they do see themselves married along their life path.

It's also interesting to note that young people who have grown up in a culture of divorce are not scared away from the commitment marriage provides. Instead, they look at failed relationships around them and believe that their relationship will work out differently.

Now we need to let them know that their chances of achieving the goal of a successful marriage is even better with pre-marital and on-going marriage education. Please help us spread the word...people deserve to achieve their life goals.

Read the full article be sure and be sure and share some thoughts on this blog!

First Date, Sarah and Tim

Second blog (scroll down or look in blog archives to read Sarah's first blog) Welcome to a guest blogger, Sarah Nass, Brown County Director here at thinkmarriage and someone who is newly engaged! We thought you would really enjoy following Sarah’s journey from how she and Tim met and all the adventures along the way to their wedding. As a trained healthy relationship facilitator, Sarah is getting first- hand knowledge on putting her education, into practical action. Tune in to this blog often to keep up to date with Sarah and Tim’s story!

Sarah writes:

“FIRST DATE” or “I think there might be something to this…oh man, am I in trouble!”

Tim called me a couple days later to set up a date. I was still skeptical.

“I don’t know that I want to go on a date”, I said.

His response, “Well then, we can call it something else, but I’m still taking you out.”

We didn’t end up figuring out any date plans for the following weekend, but we did end up talking for THREE hours, and totally lost track of the time. Somehow we got our plans sorted out, and we agreed on the following Saturday for Asian grille. As it happened, that Saturday night was also the first Packers pre-season game. (For those of you who are from Green Bay, you know what a HUGE deal this is to most). I thought he would try to reschedule our date, or convince me to order take-out and go back to his place to watch the game. I had just come from another wedding reception, and had dressed up a bit. He greeted me at the door in a collared shirt and tie, looking as dapper as could be.

He also made it clear that there was no way he’d skip our date, or alter the plans we’d made just to watch the Packers (WOW- Gold Star #2). We had a great dinner, and then the evening continued as we talked until after 2 in morning. We covered many important topics that first night. How we each approach dating(with long term intentions in mind, and kind of as an interview process, as it turns out!) , things about our families and how we were raised, personal goals, different jobs we’d held; he even busted out his high school yearbook. Scary. I think both of us knew then that there was something of real value between us, and that we wanted to pursue it deliberately, wisely, and thoughtfully.

Tune in to Sarah's next blog when they ponder taking their relationship forward when they don't live in the same city...

The Beauty of the Flag Page

by Michele Olson

Once you've done a Flag Page, you'll find yourself asking other people... "have you done your Flag Page?"

Developed by Larry Bilotta and used also by Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, the Flag Page is a simple online test that helps you understand your passions in life...what makes you tick. It's not a personality test, but it does come amazingly close to understanding what really "trips your trigger" in life.

Larry is the leading authority on understanding people. Rather than a psychologist, Larry is a former advertising agency specialist who built his system for understanding people on the foundation of psychology studies and 11 years of his own research. The Flag Page helps to simplify the complex ideas of psychology in order to quickly and easily understand the motivations of people. He has used this tool to help over 4,000 people gain focus, motivation and a sense of purpose in life. The Flag Page is a simple, on line tool that gives a surprisingly accurate level of insight into what motivates people.

This proven tool has been used to reduce stress and create understanding in a wide range of areas from businesses to marriage.

Right now you can get a free flag page code if you attend a FREE Laugh Your Way Seminar with Mark Gungor of Laugh Your Way on High Def Screens and in-person presenter Larry Bilotta!
July 26th in Fond du Lac, WI and Aug. 9 in Appleton, WI. Register at www.thinkmarriage.org by entering the Classes area.

You can also purchase Flag Page codes at www.laughyourway.com

So...what's your Flag Page?

Meet Sarah and Tim, they're getting married!

Welcome to a guest blogger, Sarah Nass, Brown County Director here at thinkmarriage and someone who is newly engaged! We thought you would really enjoy following Sarah’s journey from how she and Tim met and all the adventures along the way to their wedding. As a trained healthy relationship facilitator, Sarah is getting first- hand knowledge on putting her education, into practical action. Tune in to this blog often to keep up to date with Sarah and Tim’s story!

Sarah writes:

We’ve been engaged for a little over a month now. In some ways it seems much longer than that, and some days I think to myself, “What? I’m getting married!?!!” Tim and I met at his sister’s wedding. (Tim’s now brother-in-law M. and I have known each other for almost 6 years. I met Tim’s sister S. when she and M. began dating a few years ago, and was invited to share in the wedding doings.) We actually only saw each other when the bachelor and bachelorette parties ran into each other by accident. His sister had mentioned earlier in the evening at dinner that her brother was single, and one of us should consider dating him. She listed some of his qualities: good-looking, smart, kind, great job, funny…shy. I wasn’t interested in getting involved, as great as he sounded. Too good to be true? I even said to my friend J. who was sitting next to me, “You can have him, he’s yours, I don’t want him, no way, no how!”
I basically ignored him all night. I did, however, notice just how handsome he was.

I figured there must be something really wrong with him.

Or maybe he’s just a jerk.

Probably is.

Fuggeddaboutit!

Skip forward a couple weeks. It wasn’t until the wedding reception that he came up and started making conversation (read flirting, or trying to). His straightforward manner and lack of any sort of false bravado intrigued me instantly. How refreshing! One of things he started talking about first was the new router he had just gotten in the mail, and how he felt like a kid at Christmastime. Tearing open the packaging. Pulling out the instruction manual. Pouring over it like it held the answers to all of life’s questions. And telling me all of these things with a grin on his face, knowing fully that his power tool obsession was a thing of amusement. “Hmm, there’s someone who knows how to laugh at himself. I dig it. He just earned a Gold Star.” We wound up talking for several hours that night, and somehow he managed to get my phone number as I was leaving.

I didn’t really know if he’d call or not, but I figured it couldn’t hurt.

Watch this blog to follow Sarah's story! Next time... there obviously had to be a first date, but what was it like?

We'd love to hear your thoughts and maybe you'd like to share the story of how you and your spouse met ...feel free!