We're a Long Way from the String and Tin Cans

posted by Michele Olson

Is the internet and cellphones dividing the American family?

That's the interesting question that was posed in a Washington Post article yesterday.

The answer may surprise you. Even though parents and children are rushing through their days in different directions, the American family appears to be as tight knit as the last generation according to a Pew Internet and American Life Project poll. In the poll, 60 percent of adults said the new technologies did not affect the closeness of their family while 25 percent said cellphones and online communication made their families closer. 11 percent said the technology had a negative effect.

Turns out it's easier to keep in touch and actually know what the other is doing on a day-to-day basis because of the internet and cell phones. It didn't cause the amount of "face time" to be cut down, but rather was an addition to the amount of time spent communicating.

Personally, I know the internet and cell phones, especially texting and emails, has allowed me to stay in close contact with my children who are grown and not in the same state...and one not even in the country! My husband and I are about to celebrate our 30th anniversary and instead of a trip to Hawaii or a diamond necklace...we opted for iphones. On the very first day we communicated more because of getting unlimited texting which we didn't have before. I find an instant connection with people for even a moment is a wonderful way to stay in tune.

What about you?

Does technology keep your family connected?

Let us know what you are thinking!

How to Tango Without Moving Your Feet!

posted by Michele Olson

If you’re a newlywed who has been married for less than three years, you can “uTango” and rack up financial rewards !

How so you say?

uTango.com is a program that rewards couples for their loyalty, not just as consumers, but to each other.

Here’s how it works: You register at the program and shop online at major retailers through the uTango site. With each purchase you earn “Tango Bucks.” If you accumulate a minimum of Bucks per year, you can turn them into cash rewards when you reach certain marriage milestones; $10,000 on your 10th anniversary, $100,000 on your 20th, and a whopping $1,000,000 on your 30th!

Be sure and read the rules but the concept is quite amazing. If you are internet shopping major retailers anyway…and you have been married 3 years or less…this may be more of a sure thing than the stock market!

There is also a system to allow singles and dating to accrue points and then convert them once married.

We don't discredit or endorse the program...we have no affiliation...but we do endorse the idea of anyone wanting to recognize the importance of long-term marriages. Visit the site and make your own judgements about how it fits into your life.

Anyone currently using uTango? Anyone about to cash in?

We’d love to hear your story!

Are You Satisfied with Your Marriage?

posted by Michele Olson

There’s a 64 million dollar question to ponder!

We hear about “sticking it out” and “staying together for the kids” but we often hear more about satisfaction from a Rolling Stones song than we do about someone being satisfied in their marriage.

It would be hard to find a married couple who doesn’t want to have a satisfying marriage. It’s a big reason we take the plunge in the first place.

According to John Gottman, a top researcher in the area of marital satisfaction, it’s the “little movements toward our spouse that increase our contentment with each other. It’s the smile, the opening of the door, the back rub, the kiss on the cheek, the kind word, or the gift of their favorite ice cream.”

The question becomes; what can you do to enhance your marital satisfaction?

Often times we aren't working on marital satisfaction because it hasn’t occurred to us.

When talking with many couples who are no longer together, they acknowledge that they weren’t looking for big things…just little every day niceties or being kind would have been grand in their eyes.

We can change that.

Let’s start thinking about it and deciding to do just one thing each day that we know would increase the marital satisfaction of our mate.

So the question isn’t, are you satisfied with your marriage, but rather, what have you done to make your marriage more satisfying?

The Catholic Church has a great video campaign out called: What Have You Done for Your Marriage Today?

You can view their videos here.

So, thinkmarriage blogger, how’s your marital satisfaction?

Marriage Advice from an Ad Man

posted by Michele Olson

Roy Hollister Williams is a marketing consultant who has landed on the best sellers list because of his books known as the Wizard of Ads book trilogy. He puts out a very interesting Monday Morning Memo that normally talks about advertising , but this past week , his topic was different.

It was about cheating husbands.

It’s really about first time fathers and warning them about the “backlash” of having their first child. Roy warns that along with the joy will come a host of unexpected feelings that he was warned about and chooses to warn his young married friends about.

He gives very tangible instructions about what to do with these feelings that will inevitably come along. There’s also a link to his views on why women cheat.

He’s not a marriage guru, but he is a person who will always get you thinking.

Read the memo and see what you think.

We’d love to hear your thoughts! thinkmarriage.org

Come Laugh With Us Oct. 16th

Posted by Michele Olson


If you live in Wisconsin or upper Michigan, we would love to have you attend our evening of Music, Love and Laughter Thursday October 16th…great refreshments, music and the comedy of national MARRIED comedians Jerry Barnes and Amy Miner. Fresh from appearances on NBC, CBS, Comedy Central and VH-1 to name a few, this funny duo will have us all laughing.
We wanted to get to know them a little better, so I asked some questions about the people behind the comedy.


Tell us a little bit about how you met…was it on a comedy circuit?

- Yes. We met in Seattle at the Comedy Underground. We wouldn't recommend looking there for a partner. You are better off on eHarmony.

Did you know right away that you would combine your act and be married comediennes together?

- The idea never actually occurred to us. We have a producer/friend who asked us to write a show for one of his theaters about the first year of marriage. That went really well and we started getting requests to perform together. It has only really been in the last year that we have been performing together nearly full time.

Let’s hear some “hard luck” stories about how you got started and rose to the place of being on places like NBC, Comedy Central and MTV!

- Most hard luck stories stem from being hired to do comedy in the wrong place. A holiday party for fishermen. Not, let's go to the lake and get a couple bass type fisherman. More like, been at sea for six months eating nothing but spam fisherman. A bachelor party at sea, where the host doesn't tell anyone you're a comedian. So you're at sea, making fun of the groom and no one knows who you are.

Awkward!

A stage surrounded by a chain link fence like a moat so the audience couldn't get to you. A cruise where everyone is 80 and older. Come to think of it, most "hard luck" stories seem to be water related.
-

How many years have you been married and do you have any kids?

- We have been married 6 years. We have a 3 years old daughter and one on the way.

So is it funny every day at your house?

We may be comedians but we are still married. Every day is funny. but it might not be funny till six months later.

Do you notice that different parts of the country laugh at different parts of your act?

-There are certainly different geographical cultures within this country. In Virginia, we can make fun of West Virginians. No one else really thinks that is funny. When it comes to marriage, there is no difference. Men are men and women are women and we all have the same struggles. Women like to shop the same in Texas as in New Hampshire and men forget their anniversary in Florida and Washington. It might just be the one thing that makes us all Americans.

Be honest, have you ever been in a fight and had to go on stage and act as if you aren’t a little miffed at each other?

-Nope. But once we had to go on stage after one of us - JERRY - had a few too many onions in his dinner.


What have you learned doing marriage comedy that has helped you in your marriage?

It's like a night out for us, plus, someone watches our kid. Tine away form the kid(s) always helps the marriage.


Get your tickets now for this great event. Register online or call (920) 430-7300.

Webisode Your World

by Michele Olson

Do you have 15 seconds?

This could be the best 15 seconds you spend if you visit our webisodes. You'll be entertained, you might have a reflective thought or two and you'll have the opportunity to incite your inner marriage champion by forwarding these webisodes on to your friends.

This is a forward they will actually thank you for.

What are you waiting for?

Start your :15 second adventure right now!

Then come back and let us know how many people you sent it to and what you think!

Applauding This Hollywood Couple

Posted by Michele Olson

Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were married for 50 years at the time of his passing on Friday.

One of the best actors of our time, Newman and his wife can also be remembered as a married couple who didn’t let the Hollywood life shake their remarkable 50 years together.

A.E. Hotchner, a lifelong friend and co-developer of Newman’s Own Famous salad dressing has known the couple their entire married lives. He has stated that the Newman’s simply never fell out of love, even during the rocky patches that occur in every marriage. He also said they stayed the course.

During interviews Newman was often asked how he and Joanne managed to stay together when so many other movie stars strayed. Mr. Newman answered :“I have steak at home. Why go out for hamburger?” For her part, Ms. Woodward said she stayed with Mr. Newman because he was able to make her laugh.

Our condolences go out to Mrs. Newman and the whole family.

We hope the Hollywood marriages of today take note.

The Economy and Your Marriage

Posted by Michele Olson

There's a timely article in today's Chicago Tribune talking about the stress on couples from the increase in their monthly mortgage payments because of ARM adjustments.

It points out that couples can be experiencing tremendous stress from this issue and the economic downturn taking place.

The article also states that if a relationship is fundamentally sound, money problems aren't likely to lead to divorce. It points out that the best approach is a pro active one to protect your marriage.

One of the first suggestions from the piece tells couples to consider attending a relationship workshop.

You can find them across the country and of course don't forget to check out the classes available from thinkmarriage.org

These are tough times. Be proactive and take a healthy relationship workshop!

Something Old Something New

posted by Michele Olson


How have things changed for marriage in the last 50 years? AARP recently compiled all the differences from 1958 as compared to 2008.

Take a look…this is interesting!

Annual Weddings:
1958: 1.5 million Today: 2.4 million

Most Common Name:
Then: Mary and Robert Now: Jennifer and Michael

The Stereoptype:
Then: Blushing Bride Now: Bridezilla

Gown:
Then: Princess lace, handmade by Belgian nuns $135.00
Now: Strapless and sexy $1,317.00

Tux Rental:
Then: $5.50 Now: $69.95

Age:
Men Then: 22 Now: 28
Women: Then: 20 Now: 26

Life Expectancy:
Men: Then: 57 Now: 70
Women: Then 65 Now: 78

First Dance:
Then: “All I have to do is Dream” Everly Brothers
Now: “No One” Alicia Keys

Postage for invitations:
Then: 3-4 cents
Now: 42 cents

Piece of cake per guest:
Then: 35 cents
Now: $4.52

Honeymoon cost:
Then: $237 Now: $3,680.00
Destination:
Then: Niagra Falls Now: Hawaii

Number of Children:
Then: 3.6 Now: 2.1

Divorce Rate:
Then: 33% Now: 50%

What kind of conclusions do you draw from the comparison? Were you or your parents, or grandparents married in 1958…or this year?
Let us hear from you!

Happy 80th Anniversary Clyde and Marie!

posted by Michele Olson


Would you like to read more about a happily married couple?

How about a couple who has been married 80 years! You have probably seen a long-time married elderly couple who unfortunately have to be separate and live in a nursing home in extremely ill health by the time something as rare as an 80th anniversary comes along, but that’s not the case with Clyde and Marie Barnes.

Married for 80 years on Sept. 20th, they have so many children, grand, great grand and great-great grand, they have lost track of how many they actually have. Their oldest “child” is now 74 and says they have been great parents.

When asked the secret to their long and happy marriage Marie explains, “We just try to love what the other one does and do it together. If he suggests something, I try to go along with it. And if I suggest something, he seems to do the same.”

They also seem to have a sense of humor, another vital part of a healthy marriage.

This Salt Lake City, Utah couple are truly an inspiration…

View the video of their news story here.

What healthy marriage tips can you share that you believe will help you along the way to your 80th anniversary?

Marriage and Money

posted by Michele Olson


Disagreements over money are the leading cause of divorce.

Makes understanding your marriage and money pretty important, right?

The other causes are kids, religion and in-laws, to name a few, but the almighty dollar tops the list. At the basis of the disagreements about money is vulnerability. When it comes to money, we are forced to share our dreams, priorities, fears and goals. That makes it possible that disagreements about money, aren’t really about money at all!

It’s often not the amount of money that causes the friction, but how the money is handled.

A full 60 percent of married couples surveyed by the Consumer Credit Counseling Service report fighting about money with their spouse. In other research, 57% of divorced couples cited financial problems as the main reason they didn't get along.

Dave Ramsey, author of The Total Money Makeover shares these tips when it comes to couples and money:

1) Opposites Attract. Usually a spender is attracted to a saver. This can work because they can create a balance. He suggests you have to sit down and work out finding the middle but very few couples do that. You need to get rid of “I” and start thinking “we” when it comes to money habits. It can be a power issue, so you have to discuss how you are using it together.

2) Together is Better. Get rid of the negative thoughts about money and realize that two heads are really better than one. Working together on goals and dreams can improve communication. If you can’t sit down and discuss money, then there are larger issues in play.
(Hint; for better marital satisfaction, communication and conflict resolution skills where everyone can reach decisions in a healthy way, take a thinkmarriage.org workshop!)

3) Budget can be a dirty word. Really it’s just a plan of how you will spend your money. It doesn’t mean you can’t have fun anymore. Start to think of it as telling your money what you want it to do so you don’t have to wonder where it went!

4) Lose the Battle but Win the War. Sometimes you each have to let the other win small battles so you can stay on track and reach your mutual financial goals.

5) Stick to the Plan. That means sticking together and sticking to the plan. Think about this; when the debt is gone and you have money in the bank, all that’s left is to enjoy it together. Sticking to your plan is also telling each other that you respect your mutual goals.

Don’t let these tough economic times put a damper on your marital satisfaction. Let them be a catalyst to help you work together and strengthen your relationship.

thinkmarriage.org offers a workshop called “Family Wellness, The Couple, The Strongest Link” which is an excellent resource to help you have healthy discussions about marriage and finances.

Tell us about how money matters influence your marriage.

Marriage in the Later Years

posted by Michele Olson

Are you a younger married person wondering if love can last?

Take heart says author Maggie Scarf, age 77, who has spent more than 30 years studying relationships. Married for 55 years to her husband Herb Scarf, a Yale professor, she has done the research and is living it out.

Her new book, September Songs, contains a U shaped curve. It illustrates how studies over the past 40 years show that contentment is at its highest in the earliest phase of marriage. Then you get to know each others faults and idiosyncrasies. Kids come along, you lose sleep, you want the other person to do more, and life ceases to be as shiny. While raising adolescents your sense of well-being can plummet further.

Next it's the empty nest ...and when embraced... it is possible for your sense of well-being, contentment and time for intimacy to go up. You can rediscover the person you once knew.

Her book is based on interviews with 75 couples, all older than 50 and married 20 years or more. She addresses contentment, sex lives and how people get better with age.

So if you're in those early years and wondering...is it worth it...there are many couples out there who would like you to know, yes, it is.

What stage of marriage are you in?

Tell us your story.

“The End is in Sight” or “We’ve Only Just Begun”

Fifth blog (scroll down or look in blog archives to read Sarah's past blogs) Welcome to an on-staff guest blogger, Sarah Nass, Brown County Director here at thinkmarriage and someone who is engaged! We thought you would really enjoy following Sarah’s journey from how she and Tim met and all the adventures along the way to their wedding. As a trained healthy relationship facilitator, Sarah is getting first- hand knowledge on putting her education, into practical action. Tune in to this blog often to keep up to date with Sarah and Tim’s story! Sarah writes:

I am finally starting to get excited. These past couple weeks have been filled with finalizing details and reorganizing lists and gathering supplies and rallying the troops. At the time I am writing this, there are currently ten days until our wedding day. Tim has the pergola built and set up in the backyard, Mom and Dad have been tending to the garden and house, and I have been trying to contact and finalize plans with vendors. I have also been learning how to delegate tasks and find a balance between work time and play time and planning time. It is no easy undertaking. I have also been attempting to move some of my belongings down to Tim’s house…and have realized that it is futile to think that I will have everything completely moved before the wedding. There’s just no way. There are still more tasks outstanding than make me comfortable, but hey, what can you do except to keep on plugging away at them. One of my high school teachers once asked the class, “How do you eat an elephant?” The answer she gave us was, “One bite at a time.”

One of the other things Tim and I have done in the past weeks that has been of great value to us is take the Prepare-Enrich Inventory. This is a program that can be taken online or with paper and pencil. It can be used for pre-marital as well as married couples. The inventory is designed to help a couple realize their areas of strength as well as their areas of growth. Basically, what areas are you good at and what areas need a little more working out? After we took the inventory, we met with a couple who has been using this program for several years with young couples in their church. They walked us through the evaluation, and explained to us what each indicator meant. We also had a chance to talk through a few of the growth areas that we have. I don’t think either of us was surprised at the feedback we received. I do think that it gave us a great opportunity to discuss some very important matters, before the wedding. Even in the midst of all the craziness and business and planning it is important not to lose sight of what it is you and your fiancé are planning and preparing for. The wedding is one day, one glorious, beautiful, significant day. Your marriage is for a lifetime. It has been a priority for us to continually invest time and energy in that long-term goal and relationship instead of unintentionally neglecting it in favor of wedding hubbub.

Planning this event together has given us opportunity to practice our communication skills, our conflict resolution skills (certainly), having patience and being gracious towards one another, and has also reaffirmed the idea that we are indeed on the same team. That is just the sort of foundation on which to build our marriage.

Sarah and Tim's big day is almost here! Stay tuned for the rest of the story!

“Why Can’t You See Things My Way?” A Crucial Tip to Overcoming Disagreements and Creating Acceptance in Your Marriage

By guest blogger Larry Bilotta*

Would your marriage improve if your spouse would just do things "your way"? Most of the time, this just isn't the case.

Let's imagine for a moment that you married your complete opposite, your relationship is stressful and the two of you can't even agree what to have for dinner. Does this mean that for the rest of your life you’ll have to endure an endless series of battles over "your way vs. my way" unless one of you gives in?
There is no need to argue over "who does what which way." And most importantly, neither of you need to change who you are.
The first thing you need to do is talk with your spouse about the things you passionately believe in - or feel strongly against. You can start by discussing the little things in life that frustrate you.
For example, my wife absolutely hates when people pop, smack and chew gum with their mouth wide open. While this may sound trivial to you, it absolutely drives my wife crazy.
Now, if I didn't know WHY this little pet peeve drives her mad, I might become annoyed and aggravated whenever she starts to attack the nearest "irritating gum chewer" under her breath. But here’s why that doesn’t happen. Most people don’t know this, but each and every one of your pet peeves, habits or beliefs is created by a memory or event from the past.
Take my wife for example. The reason she becomes so frustrated when people pop and crack their gum is because her mother would do it without any regard for her feelings throughout her entire childhood. My wife hated it then and she still does today. This seemingly trivial issue brings back too many painful memories from the past for her. To my wife, a gum chewer might as well be scratching nails on a chalkboard or screeching a fork against a plate, while to others, it’s not a big deal.

The main idea here is that you need to discuss with your spouse WHY you do things a certain way, WHY certain things frustrate you and WHY you love other things. And don’t be afraid to talk about the "problem areas" in your marriage. That is the point of this discussion after all.
Give your spouse your perspective on "hot topics" in your marriage which could be anything from punctuality, family values, religion, eating habits or even personal privacy. Ask your spouse questions and have your spouse do the same.

Ask questions like:
"Honey, when you were growing up, did your mother or father have a problem with being on time?"
"What happened when you were young that makes you hate clutter and messes so much?"

WARNING: Don't make this sound like an accusation! If you do, your positive discussion will be over! When you ask your spouse these questions, s/he will probably struggle for words or not come up with an immediate explanation for WHY he or she does these things and that's okay. Try to jog your spouse’s memory by recalling your own memories about this subject.
For example:
"The reason I (fill in the blank) is because my parents (fill in the blank) when I was a child."
Remember: you and your spouse were shown how to live by your parents or guardians. They shaped most of what you value and believe in today. The point of this discussion is to understand WHY the two of you disagree on any given topic. This will help the two of you accept each other because you'll no longer feel threatened by your very different values in life.
Use this tip to get to the source of your problems and gain a better understanding of your spouse. If you don't know which values are causing conflict in your marriage, you'll never be able to truly resolve your disagreements.
When I finally understood WHY my wife's values were so different from my own, the stress in my marriage was drastically reduced. I know you'll find the same to be true when you put this marriage saving tip to use in your own marriage. For more information and articles on marriage, visit http://fulfilledcouple.com/blog/*

* References and websites from guest authors do not necessarily constitute or imply endorsement, recommendation, or preference. The views and opinions of guest blog authors expressed herein do not necessarily state or reflect the attitudes and opinions of thinkmarriage.org.

A Man of My Own

We think you will enjoy this recollection from a friend of thinkmarriage.org
After reading this story, we'd love to hear your thoughts...and perhaps it will make you think of of some similar situations in your own life.



“A Man of My Own”
By P. Woehrer


We lived on the western edge of the Sherman Park neighborhood in Milwaukee. The single-family houses and duplexes were very modest compared to other homes that Sherman Park was famous for. Our block was ethnically diverse with Caucasian, African American, Hmong, Latino, and mixed-race families. About a quarter of the homes were female single head of households and another quarter was elderly residents who had established that neighborhood in the early1900’s.

Early one summer evening we were sitting outside on the front porch and watching the neighborhood kids play. As my husband Steve moved toward the street to pick up a rolling baseball a little 8 year old girl came running up to him, threw her arms around his leg, hugged him tightly and said “give me a hug!” A bit surprised, my six foot husband bent down and hugged her back. Just as quickly, she withdrew and their eyes locked for moment and both shared huge smiles. Little Shamika* ran back into her vacant yard, arms flailing in joy. Steve had obviously given her what she was looking for and we both chuckled at the sweet scene.

Days later, I was again sitting on my porch. Steve had been there too, but left for a few minutes to tend to something. Shamika walked over and stood before me.

“What’s that?” she asked, pointing to my wedding ring.

“It’s my wedding ring,” I said.

She sat next to me, and asked where it came from. Somewhat surprised by the question, I responded simply that my husband had given it me. As she gazed at it, the wheels began turning in her young mind. Pointing inside my house, she asked if “the man” in there was my husband. Again I was a bit confused why she would need to ask, but I responded that yes, he was my husband. Then she asked if she could have my ring. My first thought was that she needed some lessons from her mother on what is appropriate to ask an adult, but then it occurred to me that something much deeper was going on inside this little girl.

Young Shamika did not recognize the important symbolism of the wedding ring. In her family, her mother was not married. She only saw a father figure when a man came by from time to time to spend a few minutes with his biological son. There was another man who came to visit Shamika’s mother, but then the children were required to play outside for a while.

I felt bad as I explained that I could not give her my ring. For a moment, she seemed a bit embarrassed for having asked, but then had another idea that might fulfill her desperate inner need.

To my amazement, she asked, “Could I have your man, then?”

The entire conversation seemed surreal despite my own family heritage of divorced parents and my proclaimed appreciation for cultural awareness and sensitivity. I realized then that I didn't have a clue of what this little girl was missing, or needed, or hoped for. It also surprised me that even though I felt our own household was fragile at times due to the hectic pace of life and the adjustments to a marriage relationship; Shamika suspected it was better than what she had in her own home. At least there was a man there – every day. She instinctively seemed to sense that this was something she wanted.

For weeks, Shamika almost “stalked” Steve! She would watch for an opportunity to see him outside so she could charge forward for a spontaneous hug. Steve gladly obliged as a simple ministry to her.

I wish now that we had reached out more intentionally to Shamika’s mother and her family to tell her about my belief of how God has a divine order for relationships. As I reflect on the fact that Shamika would be about 22 years old now, I still have to wonder how she was affected by the pattern of relationships she observed while she was growing up. I have to wonder if she ever did find “a man of her own.”

*A true story but the name has been changed.

Thank you for sharing this poignant story. Do you have a story to share with us? Please feel free to forward and don't forget to share your thoughts!

Are You a Hall of Famer?

posted by Michele Olson

Stop!

Answer this question quickly:

Did you ever think you would be "inducted" in to a Hall of Fame?

You might be thinking...baseball, football or rock n' roll...either way, you probably have come to terms with the fact that most of us just won't get there!

That's OK! There's a very important Hall of Fame where you can become a member. The thinkmarriage Hall of Fame may be just where you belong as a married couple. Married the most years? No, that's not how you get in. The most kids? No, that's not a criteria either. A significant anniversary? Great time to submit your story, but not necessary.

So, how do you get in the thinkmarriage Hall of Fame?

The fact is: our Hall of Fame is simply made up of people who value marriage and want to let the world know. So whether you're still on the honeymoon or been married 30 plus years...we'd love to put a picture and a short story of you and your spouse in our Hall of Fame. (Hint...I see big brownie points in the future of a man who lets his wife know that he loves her so much he wants to tell the world by becoming a part of the thinkmarriage Hall of Fame!)

Visit our Hall of Fame to get an idea of what we're looking for, send an email with a jpeg of the two of you, or you can include your family...and let's see your smiling faces not on the cover of Rolling Stone...but in the thinkmarriage Hall of Fame!

Why not forward this blog and have a whole bunch of your friends and family become a part of this wonderful declaration of love ?

Which Ever Way You Lean; Vote Marriage!

posted by Michele Olson

This is a letter that was drafted by the California Healthy Marriages Coalition, a healthy marriage initiative working in the state of California. We can easily adapt it to use it here in our state of Wisconsin...and we don't even have to do the work of writing the whole letter!

Whether you are a Democrat or Republican...you can make your voice heard when it comes to healthy marriages and their importance to our country. Once you've read the California version, check out this template for a Wisconsin version.

Dear Mr. President-to-be,

Senator Obama, Senator McCain: Do marriages matter to you? We hope they do, because they certainly matter to (name Wisconsin County, and Wis.County kids.) And, to all the kids in America.

Kids thrive in families where their parents have a healthy marriage. Sadly, most couples don't know what it takes to have a healthy marriage. This can be devastating for their kids. Plus, it costs taxpayers a bundle. Family breakdown is costing Wisconsin $737 million a year according to a recent report from Georgia State University Economist Benjamin Scafidi and David Blankenhorn from the Institute for American Values. Across America, the social cost of divorce is estimated to be $112 Billion each year.

Fortunately, there is Marriage Education! Marriage Education is a preventive, skill-based approach that teaches couples the skills for marital success. It's painless and fun and it helps couples have the kind of relationship they want to have for their own lives and for the lives of their children. Research shows that couples who take Marriage Education classes are significantly less likely to divorce.

Marriage Education programs are alive and well here in Wisconsin.
Through a wide variety of Marriage Education and Relationship Skills classes available at the Wisconsin website, thinkmarriage.org , we are teaching thousands of people each year how to strengthen their marriages and families.
There are six key counties in Wisconsin benefiting from the Federal appropriation that funds the Health and Human Services Administration for Children and Families Healthy Marriage Demonstration Grants.

This funding is helping families thrive, and saving our communities from the much greater cost of family breakdown. thinkmarriage.org in Wisconsin is grateful for this funding and we hope we can count on you keep this worthwhile endeavor going forward.

Because Healthy Marriages Matter,

(Your name)

So there you have it...the template of a letter you can customize and send to your favorite candidate. Please let us know what you are doing. You can get a copy of the report from The Institute for American Values that talks about the cost of divorce and unwed childbearing to our nation and our state. Visit thinkmarriage.org on the home page for details of how we can send you the report, or how you can download it for free.

“40 Days and Counting” or “Wedding Planning Causes Multiple Personalities”

Fourth blog (scroll down or look in blog archives to read Sarah's past blogs) Welcome to a guest blogger, Sarah Nass, Brown County Director here at thinkmarriage and someone who is newly engaged! We thought you would really enjoy following Sarah’s journey from how she and Tim met and all the adventures along the way to their wedding. As a trained healthy relationship facilitator, Sarah is getting first- hand knowledge on putting her education, into practical action. Tune in to this blog often to keep up to date with Sarah and Tim’s story!
Sarah writes:

Last you all knew, Tim and I had been dating for a couple months, figured out what to do about rising fuel prices, and both had a hunch that we were getting ourselves in to a relationship of long-term value and significance. The moment when he slipped and used the word “girlfriend” in a conversation he had with a co-worker, the countless motorcycle rides…it was on one of the first bike trips we took that I knew, I just knew. And I heard a song playing in my head, unsolicited, and saw us in my mind’s eye, dancing at our reception. You can bet that totally freaked me out.
The first time he told me he loved me, and I echoed the sentiment, the first holiday we spent with each other’s families, our Christmas trip to Chicago during which Tim was very ill and still tried ice-skating for the first time! The bookshelf he built me, the BB King concert tickets he surprised me with for Valentine’s Day…

It is all of these things and many more that keep me planning, keep me moving ahead. People have been asking me, ever since we got engaged May 18th, “Are you SO excited for your wedding? How is the PLANNING going? Are you just so EXCITED?!” I usually pull out a smile and end up saying something like, “The planning is going well (for a while there it was pretty scary) and I am too busy (tired, stressed, fill in the blank) to be excited for the wedding yet. But, I AM excited to be married to Tim.” They usually look at me like “Why isn’t this bride absolutely ecstatic? What is wrong with her?” I have learned from these countless repeated exchanges that sometimes it’s best just to say “Why of COURSE I’m excited, I am THRILLED, and the wedding planning is going GREAT!!!” and let them go away, satisfied with my answer.
Since we are funding the wedding predominantly ourselves (with some assistance…thanks to those people!) we have been trying to do much of the preparation and planning ourselves, as well as attempting to be economically brilliant and go the DIY route. Not a bad plan, just a lot more time and energy and effort required. Though I won’t go into any specifics on this one, let’s just say that even keeping it simple, wedding planning can make anyone go NUTS. Tim and I have had to work through more things, miscommunication, hurt feelings, time management, financial business, whatever, as we plan this shindig. And lemme tell ya- it has NOT been pretty sometimes. On the flip side, I am SO thankful for the chance to practice talking through things, forgiveness, problem solving, and learning more about what makes each other tick. What hot buttons NOT to push. (WWIII, anyone?)

At this point, I am getting glimmers of excitement for the actual day as more and more items are being crossed off my to-do list. One things remains, and continues to increase with each day, I am more and more excited about spending my life with this kind and persistent man, and thankful that he feels the same way. Together, we can survive the wedding!

What will happen next as Sarah prepares for the big day?

Do you have any advice for her as the countdown continues?

Tune in for Sarah's next blog coming here soon!

Is it Time to Divorce Your TV Set?

posted by Michele Olson


The Parents Television Council has just released a new study;
Happily Never After: How Hollywood Favors Adultery and Promiscuity Over Marital Intimacy on Prime Time Broadcast Television.

Wow…that’s a mouthful!

The study points out that broadcast networks depict sex in the context of marriage as either non-existent or burdensome while showing positive depictions of extra-marital or pre-marriage sexual relationships.

As a sitcom lover from way back, I am disheartened to see TV turn into a medium for bombarding viewers who just want a good laugh from a well-written show. More and more I've tried to find the redeeming value in a funny or interesting premise, only to have to cringe and turn off the TV. I find myself going more and more to the channel that just plays the old shows from the 60’s and 70’s. To think we once blushed at cutting edge programming like All in the Family and couldn’t bear to see married couples in the same bed on TV like Rob and Laura Petrie and Lucy and Ricky Ricardo.

We used to rely on talent, not shock or fringe behavior for entertainment.

Networks have decided that a laugh is a laugh...even if it's an “easy, uncomfortable” laugh that so many comediennes have resorted to. They've forsaken the idea of investing in good, solid writing to a more mainstream audience. They've also made it extremely difficult to break into the industry without pitching something shocking and bizarre.

What was once deemed as deviant or criminal behavior has been given the stamp of approval by the TV industry.

Can you imagine being from a remote foreign country, getting your opinions of the U.S. only by what you see on TV, and thinking this is really how most of us act in America?

If just “blocking” certain shows is the answer, The Parents Television Council (PTC) found the reliability of this V chip technology to be inconsistent. That doesn't seem to be the total answer to protect children either. It's just as harmful to see the eroding of what we will tolerate simply because we are not given much choice for certain mediums of entertainment.

Michael Medved, Nationally Syndicated Talk Radio Host and PTC Advisory Board Member points out that we have moved from portraying just destructive sexual behavior to the de-glamorization of marriage. Has the message become…you’d have to be crazy to get or stay married?

What can you do as a Marriage Champion?

Write and email the advertisers in the programs.

Write and email the networks.

I don’t think shaking our heads and turning off the TV is the total answer any more than it makes sense to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

TV can be a worthwhile form of entertainment and relaxation. We just have to let our voices be heard about what we want to see as a society in programs, and maybe just as importantly, what we won't tolerate.

Let’s keep fighting for healthy portrayal of family and marriage on television.

What’s your opinion?

Have you ever written to an advertiser or network about content in a TV program?

True Stories of Saved Marriages

posted by Michele Olson


As a resource for marriage, authors often contact us regarding their books on the subjects of marriage and healthy relationships. A recent book is well worth reading and giving to someone who wonders if their marriage can be saved. The book is aptly titled: Can My Marriage be Saved and it’s written by a mother/daughter team; Mae and Erika Chambers.

Mae and her husband John have had their marriage saved since 1985 according to their bio. Because she has seen her and John’s restored marriage story have a great impact on so many people, Mae partnered with her daughter to put together a book full of saved marriage stories.

While the book addresses individual stories of people who had their marriage saved, savedmarriagenetwork.com website also founded by the mother/daughter team has resources for all types of marital brokenness including financial struggles, abuse, separation, sexual addiction, loss of a child and more. Some of the resources are also listed in the back of the book.

The tone of the book does include a faith element as part of the healing, but with such a strong message of hope, it’s easy to see how anyone can benefit from seeing so many types of hopeless situations turned around.

In an age when marriages are discarded often too quickly, even considering the option of saving a broken marriage is a refreshing change.

Have you read this book? Do you have a story of a saved married?
We’d love to hear from you!