Monday, December 28, 2009

On Facebook? Retrosexuals and more FB smarts.

Posted by Michele Olson

Your first kiss. Your first love. For some it was way back in the past. You have no idea what they look like today, but you remember all the good things at a much simpler time in your life. That used to be more where the story ended. Now with social networking like Facebook, it’s become much easier to find and connect with a past love. That was the subject of a September article by Claire Suddath in Time Magazine.
The article points out that it is easier than ever to make a connection with an old flame without fear of rejection.
In the old black and white movies, it was dramatic, intentional and took a lot of effort. Today it’s an easy inquiry and the ability to see pictures. Reconnecting even has been given a new term: retrosexuals, first coined by The Boston Phoenix as someone who is taking the plunge into recycled love.

This may be a way to meet someone you could really care about if you are single and your old flame is single. If you are married, or if you are single and your old flame is married, it’s become a real problem. Facebook is actually starting to be cited in many divorce proceedings.

If you are married or in a serious relationship: BEWARE!

Here’s a comment on a blog from someone dealing with the situation:

I wish I would have known about this problem months ago. I’m going through this with my wife of nearly 20 yrs right now! She started IM’ing an old boyfriend. I just thought he was an old friend of hers & everything was “innocent”. She went back to her old hometown & went out with him just “as friends”. Now she has “developed” unexplained feelings for him. MEN BEWARE!! I would have NEVER thought this would happen to my marriage!! NEVER!!

This type of “meeting” on Facebook can start out innocently, which makes it more dangerous. It can start to meet the emotional needs of the participants, leading to an emotional affair first.

For those getting divorced, FB can again cause problems. Pictures you’ve posted or been tagged in can be used in court in a custody case.

Or, your pics and postings can be looked at by a future employer. Don’t think of FB as your private journal. The world is actually watching and has easy access to what you think is private.

We’ve talked about this before on our blog, but it seems to becoming more of a problem. So here’s another reminder, especially for married, engaged and those in a serious relationship.
Think of FB as a fire in which you can get burned. You are not special when it comes this. You are not different. It can ruin a great relationship that you already have.

Be smart about who you “friend.” If you have the desire to seek out an old flame, or even find that if you were being honest with yourself, you are getting an emotional charge from someone on FB that would be inappropriate if you were out meeting for coffee in “real life”, put an end to it. You are going down a rabbit hole that will not end well.

Use this as an opportunity to realize you need to be connecting more with your spouse or serious relationship. Take the time you are putting into FB and put it into a relationship workshop, either online or in a classroom.

Do you have a FB story to relate? Have you found yourself heading down this slippery slope or are you single and had a wonderful reunion with an old flame? Let’s hear your story.

I have to go...I'm going to post this blog link on FB!

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