Tuesday, December 08, 2009

So, Facebook is the Problem, Right?

posted by Michele Olson
Facebook has become such a phenomenon that it’s warranted a book for married couples and those in a serious relationship. Jason and Kelli Krafsky have written a book to be released in Feb. 2010 called Facebook and Your Marriage. Mary Jo Rapini writes about the book in her Houston Love and Relationships column and includes many of the tips that the book will talk about.

Creating boundaries, setting your relationship status to married, the willingness to share your username and password with your mate, not looking up old flames, not talking about your problems with your mate on Facebook, not private chatting with someone of the opposite sex and not letting people know one or both of you are out of town are just a few of the tips. (This could also be seen as an invitation to burglars…because your comments get posted on non-friends pages depending on how the conversation goes)

It’s all good info, but the reaction from the comments is also worth reading. The first comment brings up a good point: if you’re getting to the point you can’t Facebook chat because someone is worried about cheating, you have bigger issues.

That’s the bigger question that things like Facebook pose to us. Is it the opportunity to cheat that pushes us over the brink and causes it, or is it a heart decision that just takes whatever path is available at anytime? Some social media comment makes it sound like we are innocent victims with no brains who are unknowingly drawn into affairs, emotional or otherwise, and if we don’t follow some rules, we have no ability to make a good decision. Those who had no intentions but just set out to look up an old flame may argue they did not intend for anything to happen. But is that truthful?

While it may be easier to cheat in the privacy of your own home than it has ever been, it still seems to come back to decisions about your own personal character and how you will conduct yourself. Then comes the honesty and communication that you have going on with your spouse. Does trust only exist if there’s always absolute proof? Is Facebook the problem…or is there a greater issue underneath?

What do you think? Do two people have to know EVERYTHING about each other in order to remain faithful or one will fall down an abyss of lust or emotional need?

I hope we’re better than that. I hope we’re more mature than that. I hope it hasn’t come to that.

What do you think?


Anonymous said...

This is my life. I appreciate you posting information about this topic. It is emotional... I feel torn... It was so easy and just hit me at the right (really wrong) time.
The billboards put out by Think Marriage. org are a good / constant reminder of what truely is important: "Is it love or luv". I regularly receive text from Think Marriage and First Things First. These have been helpful for me to refocus my priorities where they should be - at home.
Thanks a million!

thinkmarriage.org said...

Dear Anon,
Sounds like the blog got you thinking, which is the point. If we all keep refocusing our priorities in our lives and relationships, we are really on to something. Keep blogging! Your comments matter.

M. Denise Wilmer Barreto said...

My humble opinion here can be summed up in one word: TRANSPARENCY. I am huge networker and am blessed by Facebook and the connections/re-connections it has facilitated. That said - it is 100%transparency with my husband who is not that big on it. We've even made a daily FB digest as part of our routine of chatting with one another and it is very cool.

Thanks for the post.

thinkmarriage.org said...

Thanks M...this one can be looked at in many different ways and I'm interested in hearing what people think! Thanks for blogging!