Thursday, July 15, 2010

Repair Your Relationship in 10 Seconds

posted by Michele Olson

You are in a spat with your loved one. No matter what either of you say, it’s not getting better. It’s not even coming out right and the fight is escalating. What if in the middle of this you held up a piece of paper that said; “Talk to me like I’m someone you love.”

Where would that take the conversation?

That’s the seed idea behind a book by therapist Nancy Dreyfus called Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love. She has also put together flash cards with phrases to halt any fight. You simply hold up the card that expresses what you are feeling.

These small gestures can speak a thousand words and are especially helpful for couples who have a hard time expressing what they want to say.

#15 I am your friend. It’s painful seeing how quickly I can become your enemy.

#92 I love you. I hate fighting. Can’t we just hug?

#4 All I want is of you to listen to me with an open heart.

#41 I realize I’m overreacting. Can you give me a minute to get sane again?

Nancy says it very well: “I created Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love for couples (and sometimes, parents and children) to transform unproductive, mean or just plain crummy interactions into moments of connection.”

Here is a sample of how it may sound in real life.

The book and flash cards may be just what you need to change the direction of your conversations.
Do you think this would work for you? Have you tried it? What were the results?

3 comments: said...


I was touched and blown away at the way your writing captured what it is that I am trying to do here. Actually, I read your blog and tears came to my eyes.

I tell people that having a loving, conscious relationship is about 800% harder than writing a book guiding others how to do it. I think there is a conspiracy of silence about all the wounding that gets triggered as we are really attempting genuine intimacy for perhaps the first time in civilization. I so honor the brainstorm out of which thinkmarriage emerged (also..a great title!) I like that you think...and that you feel. Thank you for becoming part of my universe.

Nancy Dreyfus
author of Talk to Me Like I'm
Someone You Love

M. Denise Wilmer Barreto said...

Great piece and I believe it applies in all relationships - not just intimate ones.

Will definitely check it out and once again post and tweet this to our tribe.

Thanks Nancy and Michele for your work!

Living With Back Pain said...

This sounds like a great idea, I would like to read more about it. It's funny how something so simple can make a huge difference, but I believe this really could work.
Thank you for helping so many people.