Bon Appetite...Savor this marriage.

Posted by Michele Olson

The minute I saw the movie trailers for the movie Julie and Julia, I knew I would be there the moment it hit the theaters. It just looked like my kind of story. Based on two true stories, it tells about the recent life of Julie Powell who feels lost in the cubicle world and decides to do a blog about cooking every recipe in Julia Child’s cookbook.

The parallel story happening is the life of Julia Child. I’ve seen Julia Child growing up through the years, but many of us in the 70’s knew more of her from the Saturday Night Live Dan Aykyrod skit about how she had “cut the dickens out of her finger.”

What I didn’t see coming in the movie was the great marriage stories portrayed by both couples. It’s worth seeing from that viewpoint alone. Paul and Julie Child married in Sept. 1946, she in her 30s and he in his 40s. Their love of food is second only to their great devotion to one another. Stanley Tucci and Meryl Streep do a great job of bringing endearing moments to life in the film. How wonderful to think about the fact that Paul and Julia child understood the sense of play and wonder that can be true of marriage.

Here are some quotes that were on about.com that really show the beauty of their marriage.

Savor them like you would a tantalizing Julia Child meal. Bon appetite!

Julia: "Valentine cards had become a tradition of ours, born of the fact that we could never get ourselves organized in time to send out Christmas cards."Source: Julia Child with Alex Prud'homme. My Life in France. 2006. pg. 301.

Paul in 1967: "How fortunate we are at this moment in our lives! Each doing what he most wants, in a marvelously adapted place, close to each other, superbly fed and housed, with excellent health, and few interruptions."Source: Marilyn Mellowes. "Julia Child." PBS.org
Marilyn Mellowes: "... Paul reveled in his wife's success ... He underwent a coronary bypass. During the surgery, he suffered several small strokes. The strokes had affected his brain. He completely lost his French and verbal fluency. "Whatever it is, I will do it," Paul had said. He had acted as her manager, served as her photographer, tested her recipes, proof-read her books, and was content to let the light shine on her, not on him. Now, the man that Julia had counted on for so much would need her support in his struggle to survive."Source: Marilyn Mellowes. "Julia Child." PBS.org

Julia: "Paul married me in spite of my cooking."Source: "TV's French chef taught us how to cook with panache." SFGate.com. 8/14/2004.

Laura Shapiro: "Her new career crashed like a meteor into the center of their marriage. New roles sprang up and grabbed them -- she the star and he the support staff -- but they were determined to maintain what Julia called “that lovely intertwining of life, mind, and soul that a good marriage is.” “We are a team,” she often said. “We do everything together ... Whenever she talked about her career, she said “we,” not “I,” and she meant it literally. Paul attended all business meetings and participated in all decisions, helped rework the recipes for television, hauled equipment, washed dishes, took photographs, created designs and graphics, peeled and chopped and stirred, ran errands, read the mail and helped answer it, wrote the dedications in all her books, accompanied her on publicity tours and speaking engagements, sat with her at book signings, took part in most of her press interviews, provided the wine expertise, baked baguette after baguette, and in general made a point of being at her side on all occasions, professional or social. When he wasn’t needed, he disappeared happily into his own world, painting and photographing and gardening ... Every morning they liked to snuggle in bed together for a half hour after the alarm went off, and at the end of the day, Paul would read aloud from the New Yorker while Julia made dinner. “We are never not together,” Paul said once, contentedly.”Source: Laura Shapiro. "Just a Pinch of Prejudice." from Julia Child. BostonMagazine.com. 2007.

What do you think?

Are NFL Marriages Ready For Some Football?

Posted by Michele Olson

thinkmarriage.org is headquartered in Green Bay, Wisconsin. We say Green Bay, you say
_ _ _ _ _ _ _!

Yes! you are correct. The Green Bay Packers…the name that puts our town on the map. When you live here, even if you don’t like football, it becomes infused into your life in one way or another. Add in the size of our city, long winters and a long tradition with a hallowed team and you could say we are all about football.

The sad news is, the rate of divorce for N. F. L . players is between 60 and 80 percent! Higher than the general population but comparative to athletes in other sports according to a recent New York Times article by Greg Bishop.

Just like the general population, football players face the day to day challenges of marriage. On top of that they also face larger than life salaries, groupies, fame and the fact that all this is happening to young men who don’t often have the maturity level or life experience to handle it.

Those players getting older are often faced with life after all the fame and money which can also take a toll on marital relationships. Then there are the emotions and roller coaster life of the spouse and children involved.

While many first recommendations may jump to counseling, we would like to propose that NFL and other sports teams adopt healthy relationship and marriage education as a part of their training. Communication and conflict resolution skills work for single players, seriously dating, engaged and married men. We also have programs that would integrate the whole family, including step families. The whole organization would benefit from staff learning interpersonal skills as “teammates” and employees at the same time.

What a win-win for every team!

Do you have any connections to a professional sports team and you’d like to know more of what we could bring to the table? Let’s talk!

Are you a follower of our blog? Take a look and scroll down the right hand column. Why not become a follower today?

Adding to the Beloit College List

Posted by Michele Olson

Every year since 1998, Beloit College in Wisconsin has released the Beloit College Mindset List. It’s a list that states many of the cultural touchstones that have help shape the lives of the current year’s freshman college class. It’s actually become more popular for anyone who is older than typical college age. We read the list and marvel at how much society quickly changes.

For example, the young adults have never known a time when condoms weren’t advertised on TV. They have never had to “shake down” an oral thermometer. There has always been flat screen TV’s in their lifetime and there has always been blue Jello-O.

It got me thinking that I would love to see some new points hit the list in the next few years. Take a look at these:

1) Seriously dating and engaged couples have always known that marriage preparation education can make a big difference in the success of their future.
2) Starting in grade school, students have always had a class on healthy relationship education that includes how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
3) Society as a whole places great importance on learning communication skills and has always embraced marriage education for all.
4) Couples have always been attending a marriage workshop every year, considering it as important as their yearly doctor check-up.

Now that would be a list!

Wouldn’t it be amazing if everyone knew communication and conflict resolution skills as well as reading, writing and math? What can you do today to help make that happen? A great first step is to get your own Marriage Myth Buster Guide. They’re free and we’d be happy to send you one.

Add A Little Humor to Your Day

Posted by Michele Olson


There are many comic strips that comment on marriage and relationships. One that tickles my funny bone is a strip called Pickles.


Yesterday's cartoon finds Earl and his wife Opal sitting on the couch. Opal finds something in an article that talks about the keys to a long-lasting marriage. Earl in true "Earl" fashion comments that if they don't have two TVs, it's all a bunch of hooey.

The comic strip is the creation of Brian Crane, and his real life in-laws are the inspiration for these characters. Even though he had the desire to be a cartoonist and had an art degree, he didn't tackle the world of comics strips until he was in his 40's. At times he was willing to give up, but his wife Diana kept encouraging him to keep going. He also comments through the characters he's created on day-to-day things he observes in his own life as a husband and father. Noticing that his wife couldn't put her make-up on without sticking out her tongue became the subject of a comic.

It's great to take an endearing look at some of the day to day things in a relationship that can either become the basis of an argument, or be seen as part of the dance of an intimate journey.

Meanwhile, it's always healthy to laugh at ourselves. Brian Crane and the characters of Pickles can help us do that.

What about you...do you have a favorite comic that reflects on marriage?

Not Pointing Fingers, Just Pointing Something Out

posted by Michele Olson

Does it matter if you live together? The answer is Yes and No.

Does that clear everything up?

A recent Washington Post article by staff writer Ellen McCarthy talks about living together and gives some good info from Denver psychologist Scott Stanley, who has spent the past 15 years trying to understand why pre-marital cohabitation seems to lead to lower levels of satisfaction in marriage and more likelihood for divorce for some people.

Many co-habitors will point to great success stories from co-habiting or tell of being saved from a lifelong union to someone who turned out to be a nightmare. But statistically from a study he conducted, almost 19 percent who lived together before getting engaged had at some point suggested divorce compared with 10 percent for those who waited until marriage to live together. This study mimics other reports that find the same trend in outcomes.

Stanley has coined the phrase: Sliding vs. Deciding and even has a blog by the same name. There seems to be a difference between someone who is thinking about a lifetime commitment and getting engaged and cohabitating, as compared to people who just sort of fall into living together as a next step in their relationship.

The bottom line that is particularly interesting and may be something to consider: cohabitation may make some risky relationships more likely to continue. For some people, living together is not harmless and it will affect their future in detrimental ways.

That means if you are going to cohabitate, you owe it to yourself to understand it before you just do it to save some money on bills, or assume it’s not a big deal.

Knowledge is power. Be powerful and intentional in your relationships whether you cohabitate or choose to not live together until marriage.

Are you cohabitating? Did you slide or decide to live together? Are you considering whether or not to cohabitate?

Lay-offs and Marriage. Can You Relate?

posted by Michele Olson

Elizabeth Bernstein wrote an article in The Wall Street Journal this week called:
You Drive Me Crazy: What Layoffs Do to a Marriage. With unemployment at an all time high, many couples are experiencing what is usually a retirement type of adjustment- a lot of time without a normal schedule.

Issues that wouldn’t normally come up in a relationship for many years can now be a day to day reality. In addition to the financial stresses, there are emotional ones. The WSJ article points out that one spouse may feel embarrassment over being laid off, pull away from friends and family, and expect their needed closeness to come solely from their spouse.

There can also be challenges if both spouses lose their jobs.

e-how has some great tips on maintaining a happy relationship when your partner gets laid off.

Tell us your story…are you experiencing a lay off in you relationship? Do you have some tips to offer?

The Editors of the Christian Science Monitor Get It !

posted by Michele Olson

I was thrilled to run across an editorial from the Christian Science Monitor’s Editorial Board published yesterday.

They get it.

They’re asking you to get it too.

Sure, it’s tough road we have chosen; to get the word out about the importance of healthy relationships and healthy marriages. A lot of people don’t question the decline they see going on around them. Let me rephrase that. They question it…they just don’t understand that there are real and tangible things they can do about it.

The article points out what has been happening and what thinkmarriage.org is a part of; the healthy marriage program begun in 2005 when Congress committed $100 million a year for five years to promote an improvement in communication skills and conflict resolution. These skills keep marriages together, which keeps families together, which in the long run affects many of the ills of society like poverty, unwed childbirth, incarceration, drug abuse etc.

The current budget proposes keeping the legislation. Before he was president, Mr. Obama wrote: “Policies that strengthen marriage for those who choose it and that discourage unintended births outside of marriage are sensible goals to pursue.”

The Editorial Board strongly states that the president needs to take a stronger stand on behalf of this program so it doesn’t quietly slip away in Congress.

Will you join their call and let your voice be heard ?

Would You Marry for Money?

Posted by Michele Olson

The Beatles told us that all we needed was love. Turns out in our day-to-day world, a little of the green stuff doesn’t hurt either.

The question is….would you marry based on money? Not so fast with that answer!

A recent survey by Prince and Associates showed that two-thirds of 1,134 people polled nationwide would marry an average-looking person they liked if they had money. Money = at least 1.5 million. Survey respondents by the rest of the world standards “have money” with incomes between $30,000 and $60,000.

Russ Alan Prince, who is himself wealthy from studying the wealthy, explains it this way: “People want to have the good life. Most people get upset because it’s politically incorrect---well, so is life. People want the money; it’s not a big secret.” Russ is an editor of Private Wealth magazine and the president of Prince & Associates, Inc., the leading market research firm specializing in private wealth.

If you are not a regular watcher of VH-1 you might not have seen the reality show Megan Wants A Millionaire.
From the website:
The role of a Trophy Wife has evolved over the years...but one thing is certain, in many ways they are the quintessential status symbol for a successful man. She has the talent to make that man even more powerful with her endless beauty, charm, and support.

It takes a very special lady to be just that woman. She must be young, she must be beautiful, she must be sexy, and above all else she must love money. That being said...meet Megan Hauserman.

Oh please. Don’t hold back. Blog away on that one.

Need more?

I found a CNN article on “Why Marrying for Money Isn’t a Bad Idea” which highlights a book called “Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped into the Romantic Dream—and How they are Paying for it.” This book is by Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake.

The article points out that marrying for money can have pure motivations, considering the fact that bank accounts and debts do matter. Some women want to have a family, stay home with their kids and have a very comfortable life and as this author points out, that takes money.

So.

Would you marry for money?

Did you marry for money?

Would you advise someone to marry for money?

Do men marry for money too?

Blog away!

Is Marriage and Healthy Relationships Fun and Games?

Posted by Michele Olson

Remember the old game; Truth or Dare?

If you didn’t want to tell the truth about a question asked, you had to do the dare set forth.

Here’s a new game for couples along the same lines, but instead you are asked to be authentic…to tell the truth.

For couples that love games or feel this would be a great tool to get to some subjects they haven’t been able to talk about…here’s a nice solution.

The board game is called Authenticity.

From the website where you can also see a news story on the game:

The game of Authenticity was created to provide couples that are dating, engaged or newly married the opportunity to learn more about their mate in a fun, interactive yet informative format. To achieve the full benefits of the game you and your mate must be completely authentic.

Since the object of the game is not winning or losing, but connecting…the competitive people who love games may need to be reminded to stay in the spirit of the endeavor. All in all…what a great way to get to know one another and have some fun along the way.


Do you and your mate like to play games? Can you keep it fun and not too competitive?

Share in a comment!

More on Laura Munsons Article

posted by Michele Olson

Yesterday's blog was about Laura Munson's approach to her husband's midlife crisis and his declaration:

“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy”

Her approach to this statement was nothing short of brilliant. It wasn't easy and it wasn't without pain and discipline on her part. Wow. Refreshing.

She is a writer, and has a blog. She has received much comment about her NY Times article on her personal blog because she has touched a chord with many people.

Because she's a writer, she has written a book on her approach. I hope some smart publisher is seeing that she can really touch people with her writing and publishes her work.

Go Laura. Thanks for the wisdom.

Go everyone who wants to do everything possible to keep a low conflict marriage together when there is not abuse.

It's so worth it.

Can you relate?

A Totally Different Take on a Mid Life Crisis

Posted by Michele Olson

There is no shortage of great information regarding healthy relationships and marriage, but every once in a while some info comes along that is out of the norm.

It really makes you stop and think.

This is one such story. Told in a very matter of fact way, I think you will enjoy this modern love story posted by Laura A Munson in the New York Times.

We’ve all seen it.

They have it all, and all is going well and then a spouse drops the bomb shell…
“I don’t love you anymore.”

Her reaction and how she conducted herself will give you food for thought.

Read Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear and let us know what you think.

Affairs: Now You Know

Posted by Michele Olson

WAPT, the ABC affiliate in Jackson, Mississippi posted a report and story yesterday regarding the fact that men and women are 5 to 10 percent more likely to cheat now than they were 10 years ago. The story talks about the specific case of Leisha Pickering and her divorce from former U.S. Representative Chip Pickering- another high profile marriage on the rocks as of recent days. The story also has tips to tell if your spouse may be cheating.

Julie Baumgardner from firsthings.org, a healthy marriage initiative in Tennessee, also posted 19 Close Call Danger Signs that an affair may be in the works…or that you could be on the verge of an affair. These are from a keynote address at Smart Marriages by Dave Carder. Here are those danger signs:


* You save topics of conversation for someone other than your spouse.
* You share spousal difficulties with this person. For example - "You're a woman, help me understand how my wife works."
* Your friend shares relationship difficulties with you.
* You anticipate seeing this person more than your spouse - this is a sign you are already sliding sideways. Keep in mind that you see your spouse at the 2 worst times of day - first thing in the morning when things tend to be chaotic and in the evening when you are trying to get dinner ready, homework done and you are tired from the day.
*You are more concerned about your friend than your spouse.
*You provide special treats for your friend.
*You fantasize about marriage with this friend.
*You spend more alone time with your friend than with your spouse.
*Your spouse does not have access to all of the conversations you are having with this person - email, texting, in person, etc.
*You spend money on this friend behind your spouse's back.
*Conflicts arise between you and your spouse over this friendship.
*You lie to your spouse in order to spend time with this friend - ie. You go into work an hour before you really need to be there in order to see your friend.
*You hide interactions with your friend from your spouse. For example, "Don't smile at me when you see me at church, my husband is watching."
*You accuse your spouse of jealousy when the friendship is brought up.
*You develop special rituals with your friend that are highly anticipated by both parties. When the rituals don't happen there is great disappointment.
*Your friend shares his/her feelings or touches you, which creates an inward response.
*You have conversations with your friend that include sexual content.
*You participate in corporate travel with your friend - also known as corporate dating - You participate in business travel where meals, alcohol, entertainment are involved and you are staying at the same hotel.

Read the full blog here.

The message is: Affairs Don’t Just Happen

Here is a copy of their recent radio commercial which also hits home.

Radio commercial:
Anncr: I'm going to ask you some questions. Don't answer out loud.

Have you checked out the old flame on FaceBook?

Did you wear your hot black dress to the class reunion or were you just checking out the x-girlfriend in her hot black dress?

Is there someone at work of the opposite sex that you confide in?

If you answered yes to any of these questions you might be in a CCF.

What's a CCF you're asking? A Close Call Relationship.

Really I think they should be called a Clueless Close Call Relationship because so many people caught up in an affair will say, 'I have no idea how this happened.'

If you don't want to be clueless about close call friendships here are
some things you should avoid:

Don't talk about your spouse to someone of the opposite sex.

Don't give off any vibes that you would be open to any of relationship
with someone of the opposite sex.

The infatuation of young love never goes away. Going there is playing
with fire.
For more information about affair-proofing your marriage visit
firstthings.org

thinkmarriage.org joins in the call to all couples to affair-proof your marriage. This blog falls in line with our June 9th blog about building hedges around your marriage.

Please pass on the link to this blog to all your married friends and family...also great to teach young adults.

Will you become a marriage champion and pass on this information?

Once you read this information, you will realize that affairs don't just happen, and can be prevented.

Now you know.

Tailor, Baker, Candlestick Maker

Posted by Michele Olson

Been to a tailor lately to do some alterations or mend a tear?

Been to a cobbler lately? (Modern translation: shoe repair)

Been to the doctor lately for a check up?

Life takes effort. We have to “tend” to things.

That’s the point of a recent Chicago Daily Herald blog by Ken Potts.

Along the way you may need to "retailor" your marriage to adjust to the world we live in.

He offers suggestions on some healthy ways to do that, ways that don’t hurt your relationship.

Take a moment to read his tips on tending to your marriage.

Doesn’t matter if you’re a tailor, a baker or a candlestick maker.

How do you tend to your marriage? Share your tips!

Sick of Divorce or Is Divorce Making You Sick?

posted by Michele Olson

Ever heard someone embroiled in a divorce utter “I’m sick of this divorce!”

According to a study published in the September issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, and reported on the CBS News, those who have been divorced or widowed can suffer 20% more chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes or cancer, compared to those who are currently married.

Double whammy….having a challenging time emotionally and physically.

Another interesting finding of the extensive study. Divorce can be so traumatic that even when you get married again, it may not be enough to reverse the physical and mental toll on your body.

The recommendations of interviewed psychiatrists for the TV piece fall in line with what we at thinkmarriage.org advocate. Relationships that involve physical or mental abuse…often leading to the fact it is impossible to get along…are worth dissolving. However for the 70% of divorces considered low conflict; the effort to stay together and work on your marriage through things like skills based marriage education are worth it.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Jeff Gardere goes as far as recommending that you have a doctor on hand if you are getting a divorce. He states in the interview:

“We’re finding that divorce is so traumatic on the system, on your mind, on your body, that it’s important that you consult your physician or even talk to a mental health professional about the stress that you’re going through so that you don’t become sick.” An amazing statement from Dr. Gardere.

The bottom line is: men in marriages have wives telling them to take care of themselves and go to the doctor. That adds to them being healthier. The news piece does advise remarriage because things do get better over time.

What are your thoughts? Does the data match up to your experience or the experience of someone you know?

That Crazy Home Movie Wedding Video!

posted by Michele Olson

If you are on the Internet at all, or watch TV, by now you have seen the unexpected video of what appears to be a normal wedding ceremony except the bridal party dances down the aisle…and culminates with the groom and bride doing the same thing. I saw it last week for the first time and twittered it and laughed my head off. I watched it at least five times because I loved it so much.

This all took place on June 20th in a St. Paul church at the beginning of Jill Peterson and Kevin Heinz’s wedding. With You Tube now boasting 1.75 million hits and growing and multiple TV appearances, how people proceed down the aisle may never be the same.

A Saturday Washington Post article talks about the whole story including the fact that they claimed to have only one rehearsal. You can watch the video and read the story here.

Congrats to the fun, gutsy couple who made their wedding their own and wanted to express to their family and friends the joy they were feeling about entering into marriage. Perhaps they have opened the door to more people expressing their personalities in small or larger ways as they express their love in the wedding ceremony.

This is a great boost for how to enter a wedding. Now…what could we do in a compatible way to get people as excited about the marriage in a huge viral move?

How about spreading the word about our :15 sec to a Better Marriage Webisodes. You can access them right here in the right hand column of our blog or at http://www.thinkmarriage.org/

Do you think we could create the same kind of buzz if everyone reading this just started sending them all over the place? Let’s try!

Good Information on TV

posted by Michele Olson

Applause to Good Things Utah, ABC 4! Came across this “5 Things NOT to Do after You Say, “I Do” information. The five tips are great for newlyweds or a marriage of any length.

1) Don’t say “My family always does it this way.”
2) Don’t think marriage will make you happy, because it won’t.
(The point being happy is a do-it-yourself job)
3) Don’t believe your partner will change.
4) If you think talking about the hard stuff will take the romance out of your marriage, get over it.
5) Don’t shy away from a fight.

You can read the explanation of the points, but I encourage you to watch the video for a much more animated viewpoint. It’s great to see that they encourage learning conflict resolution skills, which of course we offer through marriage education at www.thinkmarriage.org

What do you think of the five points? Any life stories about them from your marriage?

Is There Hope for The American Marriage from Time Magazine

Posted by Michele Olson


Sometimes in summer life is so busy we don’t have time to keep up on things like magazine reading. If you missed the July 2 Time Magazine article Is There Hope for the American Marriage by Caitlin Flanagan, it’s worth reading.

Caitlin brings up all the marital discretion in the news lately, but she gets to the heart of the article which is the question: What is the purpose of marriage?

She asks:
Is it simply an institution that has the capacity to increase the pleasure of the adults who enter into it…

Or…


Is marriage really to raise the next generation. To protect and teach it, to instill in it the habits of conduct and character that will ensure the generation’s own safe passage into adulthood?

It’s a fundamental point in the whole healthy marriage movement…what is the purpose of marriage? Maybe if we can get that right…we can readjust expectations and reasons for marriage.

As Caitlin writes:
A lasting covenant between a man and a woman can be a vehicle for the nurture and protection of each other, the one reliable shelter in an uncaring world- or it can be a matchless tool for the infliction of suffering on the people you supposedly love above all others, most of all your children.

What about you? What do you think is the purpose of marriage? Does thinking about the purpose of marriage make you view your own marriage in a different light?

Saving Black Marriages

Soledad O’Brien is doing an investigative series on CNN this month looking into what African-Americans are doing to confront the most challenging issues facing their communities. She is highlighting people who have found innovative solutions to transform their world. A recent article asks the question; Saving black marriages: Does it take a village?

Marriage as an institution has been particularly challenging in the African American Community as witnessed by these statistics from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Website.
Statistics on Marriage, Divorce, and Living Arrangements

On the whole, Blacks or African Americans (hereafter called Blacks) have lower rates of marriage and marital stability than all other ethnic groups. They also have higher rates of single-headed families than other groups.
· Black males and females are more likely to be unmarried than Whites, Hispanics, or American Indian/Alaskan Natives (AIAN) (42.2% for males, 40.8% for females, compared to 27.5% and 21.2% respectively for Whites, 38.2% and 30.3% for Hispanics, and 35.7% and 29.9% for AIAN ).(ACS 2002)
· Black individuals are far more likely than Whites and Hispanics to be divorced (in 2002, 9.4% of Black males were divorced, and 13.3% of Black females versus 9.1 % and 11.3% respectively for Whites and 5.9% and 9.3% for Hispanics). (ACS 2002)
· Among married Black individuals, a greater percentage is living apart from their spouses than among married White and AIAN individuals (15.7% for Black males, 24.1% for Black females, versus 5.3% and 6.3% respectively for Whites and 11.1% and 12.8% for AIAN). Only Hispanics have a higher rate of living apart from their spouse than do Blacks – 16.2% for males and 16.9% for females (in many cases this may be due to immigration complications). (ACS 2002)
· Black families are less likely to contain a married couple than all other groups (46.0% versus 81.0%). White families have an 81% chance of containing a married couple, AIAN families have a 67% chance, and Hispanics have a 67.4% chance. (Census 2000)
· Single male-headed families are slightly more likely in Black homes than in White family homes (about 8.5% versus 5.3% for whites.). Hispanics and AIANs have a higher rate of single male headed families (10.3% and 10.4% respectively). (Census 2000)
· Single female-headed families are far more likely in Black homes than in all other groups' homes (45.4% versus 13.7%). By contrast, Whites have a 13.7% rate, AIANs have a 28.8% rate, and Hispanics have a 22.3% rate of single female headed families. (Census 2000)
· Only 44.9% of Black householders in family households live with a spouse. This compares with 80.6% for Whites, 60.1% for AIAN, and 70.2% for Hispanics. (Census 2000)


The CNN story examines a couple who appears to have it all, married for 13 years and successful with children. Even though they have it all on paper, this couple’s marriage was in turmoil. Another part of the question is; does a strong marriage equal a strong family? This couple decided to seek help in the form of skills based training for couples. Translation: marriage education!

The article also talks about many influences that have shaped, affected or strained black marriages in particular.

The comments left by people who have read the article are also interesting.

Read and let us know your thoughts.

It's Not Nice to Fool Mother Nature

Remember the old margarine commercial…It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature? Dr. Hendrie Weisinger has an interesting article posted on the Huffington Post blog recently titled Mother Nature’s Six Tools for a Thriving Marriage.
He cites startling research in the evolutionary sciences that reveals we are all “hard wired” with natural instinctual tools whose purpose is to help marriages thrive, not just survive.

Whether you believe Mother Nature should be relegated to margarine commercials and fairy tales and whether you agree with the idea of natural selection being a part of thriving marriages…he makes some interesting points.

He highlights that thriving couples experience these six tools vs. marriages that are just surviving. Here’s the Reader’s Digest version. I encourage you to read the article:

1) Shelter Seeking. This instinct helps us find an environment that provides us with the emotional nutrients we need to develop ourselves. Do you and your spouse know what each of you needs to emotionally keep growing?

2) Care Soliciting. This instinct helps us ask for help. If you are vulnerable you feel comfortable asking for help and are more likely to thrive.

3) Care-Giving. Do you tend to one another? Do you pay attention to the mental and physical needs of your spouse?

4) Beauty. Do you continually develop attributes that help keep your partner attracted to you?

5) Cooperation. Do you have a division of labor and create a positive marriage identity in your marriage?

6) Curiosity. Curious couples try new fun things together.

Does Mother Nature hold the key for you to move from a surviving marriage to a thriving marriage? Read the article and let us know your thoughts.

Could 12 Hours Change Your Marriage?

posted by Michele Olson

There are lots of great books out there about marriage. One of my favorites is on our recommendation list on the right hand side of this blog. It’s called How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Steven Stosney I think it has some very fresh ideas regarding how we treat each other and perceive one another in marriage.

I came across another book with an intriguing title and would love to see one of our bloggers read it and let us know if you think it worked This book is called 12 Hours to a Great Marriage written by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, Natalie H. Jenkins, Susan L. Blumberg and Carol Whiteley. One has to think that with so many authors there must be some value in this book!

Other authors in the marriage world also seem rather excited about the book…

"This book makes lasting love achievable." — John Gray, author, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

"I love this book! It's like hiring your own top-notch relationship coach for twelve hours and getting a lifetime's worth of lessons for creating a loving, lasting marriage." — Michele Weiner-Davis, author, The Sex-Starved Marriage and Divorce Busting

"It actually makes working on your marriage fun. In fact, it introduces an approach that believes having fun is one of the hallmarks of a successful marriage." — Diane Sollee, smartmarriages.com, and founder and director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education

"Delivered in a personal and engaging style, the most helpful book yet from the 'dream team' of marriage educators." — William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor, University of Minnesota, and author of Take Back Your Marriage

The table of contents is not broken into chapters, but rather each chapter is an hour.

12 hours? Want to give it a try? This is a great tool to invest in working on your marriage.
If you’ve read the book and have feedback, please blog. Are you thinking about getting the book and devoting 12 hours to your marriage? Let us hear from you too.
It might just be the best way to spend 12 hours you have ever come across!

Thank You Wall Street Journal

posted by Michele Olson

The Wall Street Journal online is speaking our language, on the same page,and helping tell the story we like to tell. While many people only think in terms of counseling when it comes to working on your marriage, at thinkmarriage.org, we work in marriage education. That’s a new thought to most people…the idea of learning communication and conflict resolution skills in a workshop setting as opposed to sitting together as a couple with a counselor.

Yesterday two articles were posted. One was titled:

Marriage Education Classes: Can Couples Be Taught To Stay Married?

The other was:

Working on Your Marriage- at Work

The first article poses the question: Is the ability to stay married something that can be taught? For people wondering if it’s just a matter of opinion, there is evidence that marriage education can help a couple stay together. Follow the links in the article if you are someone who likes to see statistics and studies. Then there’s the person who just knows a good idea when they hear it. It makes sense that if you work on something and have more knowledge about it, it has a far greater chance of working better.

The second article talks about another trend we are happy to be a part of: providing marriage and healthy relationship education on the job. That’s because statistically we know that unhappily married employees decrease profitability. There’s a whole page on our website with great resources for you to check out regarding what is available to you as an employee or employer. The bottom line is; the healthier the relationships in a business, the more the employer makes and the more likelihood there will be money for raises for employees. That’s why everyone should care.

Read The Wall Street Journal articles and come back here to comment. It is great to see this valuable discussion opening up across our country.

Romance or BFF?

posted by Michele Olson

Is your spouse your best friend…your BFF?

An Illinois columnist, Ken Potts of the Daily Herald has a good article talking about that, and why friendship is more important than romance. He cites that researchers estimate that only about 20 percent of marriages - two out of 10 - really meet the expectations,fulfill the hopes, make real the dreams of the men and women involved.

Unto itself, that’s a rather discouraging number. As the article points out, there is good news about what you can do about helping grow that statistic in a positive manner.

We have a pretty good idea what works.

Think about your friends in life. Why are they your friends? Usually you like the same things and you have similarities in your life experiences and values. When you think of a friend, you think of someone who is there for you through thick and thin.

Now think about the springboard for many marriages….it’s romance. Those euphoric feelings that are based on exactly that…feelings. While the best of both worlds is experiencing both…anyone who has been married for any length of time knows that romance is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs.

Friendship on the other hand…that can be an enduring glue that will hold a marriage together through life. In our society, we love romance, horse drawn carriages, riding off into the sunset and the idea of eyes meeting across a crowded room, unable to resist each other. It’s definitely heady stuff, but can a lifelong relationship be built on romance without the fundamental elements of friendship?

One of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally, is a great example of friendship that becomes love. If you’ve never seen it, it’s worth it.

What do you think? Do you think friendship is even more important than romance? Which should come first? Is your spouse your best friend?

A Judge With A Higher Purpose

Posted by Michele Olson


Leah Ward Sears just stepped down this week as the Chief Justice of the Georgia Supreme Court. In a CNN.com article she reflects on her brother’s sudden death and his despair over what has been happening to the American family which she believe played a role in his demise.

Leah herself has had a front row seat to what is the truth behind the statistics of family breakdown…the devastation happening to the lives of people day after day. She talks about our lack of viewing marriage seriously. She believes the U.S. is engaged in an unintended campaign to diminish the importance of marriage and fatherhood by refusing to do what we can to change the course of so many divorces and unwed childbearing.

She points to the devastation to children.

She stepped down from the bench to pursue a life’s work to do something about what she sees.
Read the article and let us know your thoughts.

Getting a Good Job Like Looking for a Good Mate

Posted by Michele Olson

Amy Hoover writing for Talentzoo.com did a fun article on the comparisons of what a really great job offer looks like from a company and what a really great dating relationship looks like.

The comparisons are right on…including making sure you are paying attention to the red flags that should encourage you to run in the other direction.

The points cover:

Honest first conversation

No games played through the early stages

Good chemistry

Open discussion about the future

Perfect proposal

It’s an interesting way to look at a good future employer and a good future mate.

Enjoy the article and leave some feedback…does this make you think?

Good News from All the Bad News

posted by Michele Olson

Wow…we are on news overload lately! Passing of famous people we all knew and the passing of some marriages we thought we could trust. You might feel like it’s happening all at once, and that can lead to some feelings of despair and depression.

Be encouraged! There is lemonade out of all these lemons!

All this talk about marriage gets us talking and thinking about marriage. That is a good thing.

In a June 26, 2009 New York Times article title Marriage Stands Up for Itself, written by Benedict Carey and Tara Parker-Pope they point out that despite all the things working against marriage, the marriage bond is stronger right now than many people assume.
It’s a very good article I highly recommend you read. Look at the comment on the 50% divorce rate:

For instance, one of the most commonly cited statistics about marriage is that half of marriages end in divorce. But that number reflects the expected lifetime divorce rate of people married in the 1970s.

The story is different for more-recently married couples. A comparison of 10-year divorce rates among college-educated men married in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s shows that divorce is becoming less common, said Dr. Stevenson, the Wharton researcher. Among men who married in the 1970s, for example, about 23 percent had divorced by the 10th year of marriage. Among similar men married in the 1980s, about 20 percent had divorced by the 10th year. Men married in the 1990s are doing even better — with a 10-year divorce rate of 16 percent.


Good news huh? What do you think about the article? What do you think about the state of marriage this day?

Pass on the news about our www.thinkmarriage.org blog and invite your friends to become a follower. Follow us on Twitter too!

Hearts are Breaking

posted by Michele Olson


We move from the news of Jon and Kate to the news of Governor Sanford and his wife Jenny. Once again, an affair is part of the downfall of a marriage. Governor Sanford said in his statement that what started out as a dear friendship turned into something more. This is the statement his wife Jenny has issued.

Please go back and read my Tuesday June 9th blog in the archives of this blog. It’s about building hedges around your marriage. This man who was smart enough to become Governor of a state should have been smart enough emotionally to know that when you play with fire, you eventually get burned. Your close friendships in marriage should be with someone of the same sex.

Now read my Wednesday blog. This is a private matter they will work on, and it is possible to reconcile. It is possible.

Hopefully, all this news of marriages breaking up will cause each of us to really take the extra time today and in the days to come to value and work on our marriages. Read books. Take workshops. Be kind to each other. Value your marriage. Build hedges around it. Become a Marriage Champion.

What do you think?

Retrieving the Irretrievable

Posted by Michele Olson

The Jon and Kate Gosselin marriage is all over the news…and they are divorcing under the grounds that the marriage is 'irretrievably broken'.

Really, that’s not quite accurate when it comes to marriage. Dictionary.com defines irretrievable as:

ir⋅re⋅triev⋅a⋅ble  /ˌɪrɪˈtrivəbəl/
– not retrievable; irrecoverable; irreparable.

At thinkmarriage.org we don’t advocate marriage at any cost. Things like abuse, addiction, and mental health concerns are problematic for retrieving a marriage.

Adultery has many cases where the marriage has been retrieved . www.beyondaffairs.com is one good source for retrieving a marriage where you will see examples of marriages that have experienced adultery and recovered.

We who work in the “healthy relationship and marriage world” know the difference that communication and conflict resolution skills can make in a relationship.

There is hope.

There are skills.

There is a way.

There is retrieval.

There is mending for the broken.

What a difference it would make in this world if every couple filing for divorce tried everything they could by committing to taking marriage education classes to improve their skills. What if they would read books like; How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny? What if they explored our website and took a workshop, or one available in their area?

What if the only people divorcing could know in their hearts that they had left no stone unturned to try to save their marriage.

What would that be like?

What do you think?

The Rest of the Kids Hurt by Jon and Kate

Posted by Michele Olson

The whole Jon and Kate saga is definitely sad, and a learning on many levels. It’s really hard to think that they renewed their wedding vows less than a year ago. Now they have announced they are separating and possibly divorcing.

They seem to have lost sight of what they talk about in the beginning of their show…no matter what the future brings, they are in this together.

Apparently now they are each in it for themselves.

Who can bear to think about the kids?

What about the kids who watch the show? It has become an event for many families to watch this family grow. The Washington Post has an article that addresses this. It’s about Sophie, a 15 year old who got her family hooked on watching the show together. She loved watching a family and a marriage. Now what is she to feel and think?

The learning is a reminder of how much rampant divorce in our society affects our children. Read the article and share your thoughts.

President Obama's PSA and the Next One

posted by Michele Olson

Hopefully, you had a wonderful Father's day celebration either being "the Dad" or honoring a Dad.

The National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse (NRFC), Fatherhood.gov, is very proud to announce that President Obama has done some public service announcements about the importance of fatherhood. If you are going to get a spokesperson, getting the President of the United States is pretty good way to go. Visit the website to view the PSA's.

He talks about the importance of spending time with your kids and doing the day to day things that do mean so much over time.

Now, who would like to ask the President and First Lady Michelle if they are willing to do the same for marriage? Wouldn't you like to see them together talking about the importance of valuing your marriage no matter how busy you are? What if they would encourage people to work on their communication and conflict resolution skills by taking a workshop or class?

Maybe the script would be something like this:

President Obama: Hi, my wife Michelle and I realize the importance of nurturing and valuing our marriage, no matter what the day holds. I have busy days just like you do. Whether it's a press conference in Cairo in the morning, a signing a bill from Congress in the afternoon, Michelle and I always make the time to have dinner together.

Michelle: Conflict resolution doesn't have to involve Afghanistan or North Korea, it can also take place right in your own Lincoln bedroom, if you have the right skills. Why not take the time to attend a marriage workshop or class? That way when you start getting hassled by your house staff or the secret service is bugging you, you can talk about it and be on the same page as a couple.

Well...maybe the script wouldn't go quite like that, but you get the idea.

What famous couple would you like to see on public service announcements promoting marriage?

We Need You Dad

posted by Michele Olson

It’s almost time to celebrate Father’s Day. It’s a banner year for the celebration as this is the 100th anniversary observance of the very first Father’s Day. A National Responsible Fatherhood Rally is being planned for June 20th on the Mall in Washington D.C. where organizers are asking all dads to make a simple five point commitment to their children. The five elements are:
Loving, Coaching, Modeling, Encouraging and Enlisting.

From the website: This June, Father's across the nation will convene at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC prepared to take an oath of dedication to their children and families to be RESPONSIBLE. In the words of Fatherhood expert, Dr. Jeffery M. Johnson, "When you are a Father, you are a Father for LIFE." Transcending stereotypes, past mistakes and present fears, NPCL, Guest Speakers and Dad's across the nation strive to encourage responsible fatherhood throughout the U.S. in a powerful and unforgettable way!

If you are not a dad, realize that there are 25 million children living without their dads who would still benefit from the involvement of a father figure. If you are so inclined, keep your eyes and ears open to opportunities to be like a dad to someone.

It will be interesting to see if this event gets followed in the news.

Any of you heading to this rally? Let us know what you learned!

In another Dad’s Day note: A recent MSNBC.com article states something that we have heard in the past; when it comes to preventing risky teen sex, there may be no better deterrent than a doting dad. Lead author of the study, Rebekah Levine Coley of Boston College hopes the recent study which was published in the journal Child Development will encourage both moms and dads to keep trying to connect with their teenage children, even as their kids are pushing them away.

At the end of the day, we need dads in so many ways.

All dads! For those days when you don’t feel appreciated or that you are making a difference, please come back and read this blog.

We appreciate you Dad. We need you Dad. Keep up the good work Dad.

Thank you Dad!

Thankful For The Shared Toothpaste Tube

Marriage.

Way harder than anyone imagines when they are just dreaming about it.

Marriage.

Disagreements on how to squeeze a toothpaste tube, whether to sleep with the window open or closed and how to spend money.

Marriage.

Now include the everyday ups and downs of marriage into the battlefields of Iraq or Afghanistan, or anywhere in the world our military is stationed.

Now add the fact that both Mr. and Mrs. are deployed to Iraq, not once, but twice on 12 month tours. That’s the day-to-day reality of Nathan and Jennifer Williams. In a recent chicagotribune.com article, Associated Press Writer Hamza Hendawi profiled the lives of this couple and the trials they experience in an army marriage. Nathan and Jennifer have been married for five years, but because of deployment and separate training commitments have only been together probably two of those years.

Even though they serve in the same brigade and are only six miles apart in Iraq they only get to see each other once or twice a month. Their relationship has to exist with mainly phone calls.

Although very upbeat, they worry about how all the separations could affect their relationship and how the possibilities of so much tragedy could turn them into different people.

Something we don’t always take the time to stop and think about is the future of the military families now and in the future. Then there are the families where one spouse serves and the other spouse stays behind. The National Military Family Association has a whole list of recommended readings to help with all the feelings that these spouses and families experience.

We should all be exceedingly thankful for everything everyone serving our country is doing on our behalf, and that includes the spouses and families. We should also not take for granted the privilege of being together every day and having the luxury of discussing the right way to push toothpaste out of a tube.

Nathan Williams puts it best; “I cannot wait to experience the routine boredom people say always come with marriage.” I hope they are disagreeing on their toothpaste tube very soon.

Are you in the military? Do you have a story about your marriage you can share?

Greta Garbo Really Got It; Alone Time in Your Marriage

Posted by Michele Olson

Greta Garbo, regarded as one of the greatest and most inscrutable movie stars ever produced by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer and the Hollywood studio system, is often imitated as saying “I want to be alone.” But as Greta herself has said; “I never said, 'I want to be alone.' I only said, 'I want to be left alone.' There is all the difference.”

You start out wanting to be together all the time. But somewhere in your relationship you may find yourself wanting some time to yourself. Maybe it's your spouse who is feeling that way.

What about having separate interests? How much is too much?

How do you maintain your individuality while still being part of “we?”

What if you and your spouse don’t agree on how much alone time is right for the two of you?

Sheri and Bob Stritof on about.com have some great tips which include the initial conversation about needing some time alone. The tips include:

*Don’t wait until you are feeling suffocated or trapped in your marriage to ask for space.

*Accept that wanting or needing space in your marriage is okay. It doesn’t mean that your marriage is in trouble.

*Let your spouse know that needing this time doesn’t diminish your love or desire for them.

*If your spouse is asking for some space, don’t take it personally.

*Don’t measure or judge your marriage by the way other couples live. Do what is best for the both you.

The article has tips on how to give one another space which could be physical, emotional or financial.

Once again…asking for what you need and getting what you want in a healthy way comes down to great communication skills. Incorporate a healthy relationship workshop or seminar into your plans for the rest of the year. That’s one thing you can do together…and it may be just want you need to easily approach your need for more “left alone” time.

What about your relationship? Was getting enough “left alone” time a struggle? How do you hit the right balance in your marriage?

Marriage Quotes to Make You Smile

Posted by Michele Olson

Reader's Digest recently had a page dedicated to Marriage Quotes.

Here are a few of them:

"I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else, when, of course, you have to be someone more. "

-Candice Bergen

"Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way; the other, to let her have it."

-Lyndon B. Johnson

"I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up."

-Barbara Bush

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

-Mignon McLaughlin

"Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up."

-Joseph Barth

Do you have any favorite quotes about marriage?

Priceless Hedges

posted by Michele Olson

I live next to a bike path and a small woods. When it’s rainy and muddy, people will often avoid the bike path and walk through our yard, which over time wears a path. We’ve contemplated putting up a fence or planting a hedge. Perfectly nice people but they are wrecking an area of our yard. Although we wish them no harm…we don’t want them in our private area-our yard.

This concept also applies to your marriage. You will be surrounded by perfectly nice people in your lifetime…people you work with or meet in civic and church groups. They may be particularly engaging because you tend to see the “good” side of their personality. Perhaps on a morning when your spouse doesn’t notice your haircut, someone in your social circle does and you get a compliment. That’s normal.

Now imagine that you and a member of the opposite sex are working on a project together and you are really hitting it off.

Harmless.

Who doesn’t want to enjoy the people they work with?

But here’s a question. Have you decided ahead of time what your boundaries are?

If not, it is time for you and your spouse to have a conversation about what is acceptable to the both of you when it comes to close interactions with the opposite sex. Just like the privacy and sanctuary of your own personal space like your home and yard, your marriage has to have boundaries.

Otherwise people, well-meaning or not, can invade the privacy of your personal space. Situations can occur that you would have not wanted had you thought about the possibilities ahead of time.

It’s often how affairs can start.

No intention.

Innocently.

Gradually.

If you and your spouse haven’t talked about your boundaries as a couple…it’s time.

Some discussion ideas, how do you as a couple feel about:

* Being in chat rooms or social networks where you go offline with member of the opposite sex.
* Working situations; frequent lunches, working late or business trips with one member of the

opposite sex.
* Social situations where you put yourself in the position of spending a lot of time alone with

someone on a committee or in a church group.
* Close friendship with member of the opposite sex that doesn’t involve your spouse.

By agreeing upon and setting up boundaries ahead of time, you take away any suspicion or wondering about your spouse. You are both clear on what is acceptable in your relationship. You are being pro active about protecting that which is special and unique.

Realistically you may have occasions where you have a business lunch or work on a project and you are alone with someone. The point is to be aware of your boundaries ahead of time so you can be wise about situations that you do have control over. You may also have to talk with a boss at some point about what your options are if it is happening beyond you and your spouse’s comfort zone, just as you would about any area where you feel concern.

It’s not about creating rules for rules sake…it’s about the spirit of the idea that can save you much heartache and misunderstanding in the future.

The cost for me to put up a fence on my bike path? Thousands.

The cost to clearly know boundaries and hedges around your marriage? Priceless.

What about you? Have you and your spouse had a talk about boundaries and hedges in your marriage? What are your thoughts on setting boundaries together?

How to Lower Your Risk of Divorce by 30%!

Posted by Michele Olson

What happens if you never change the oil in your car?

What happens if you never go to the dentist?

What happens if you never get a physical from a doctor?

What happens when you don’t do anything concrete to work on your marriage?

Studies now show that taking part in marriage education is a good idea for any marriage.
A study published in early 2009 titled, "Investigating the Effects of Marriage and Relationship Education on Couples' Communication Skills: A Meta-Analytic Study" by the American Psychological Association, a scientific and professional organization that represents psychologists confirms what is really common sense….it pays to work on your marriage.

Looking at more than 100 published and unpublished studies dating back to 1975, the study found a significant positive effect on a couple’s communication skills and relationship quality when they attended marriage education courses.

Determine now that you are going to take a marriage workshop or class in your area. Why not decide to take one before the end of the year? Check out the classes tab at thinkmarriage.org or research what is available in your neck of the woods.

Here’s another great resource: Drs. Michelle and Patrick Gannon talking about the importance of marriage education with some couples telling what it means to them. They cite the statistic that 10 hours in a skills based workshop can reduce your divorce risk by 30%! Wow! What couple wouldn’t invest 10 hours to reduce their likelihood of divorce? Now that’s return on investment. Take a moment to watch this short You Tube video.

Don’t be afraid to ask yourself: What am I doing in a tangible way to work on my marriage?

Let us hear from you…have you been to a marriage workshop of any kind? Did you learn communication and conflict resolution skills, and how did they change your marriage?

Research on the “No-Sex” Marriage

Posted by Michele Olson

Tara Parker-Pope writing for The New York Times posted a blog in their wellness section where she interviews Denise Donnelly, an associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University who has studied sexless marriages.

According to the General Social Survey which tracks social behaviors of Americans, married men and women, on average, have sex with their spouse 58 times a year, a little more than once a week. Married people under 30 have sex about 111 times a year. It’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year.

This article explores the reasons for a sexless marriage.

The question is posed: Are people in sexless marriages more likely to get divorced? The answer from the research is; people in sexless marriages report that they are more likely to have considered divorce, and that they are less happy in their marriages. Ms. Donnelly goes on to say that of the former research respondents who have kept in touch with her, the happiest ones are actually those who have moved on to other partners.

The story does touch on the fact that non-communication can help lead to problems, if you aren’t communicating, you definitely aren’t communicating about what is happening in your sex life.

What if instead of just “moving on to other partners” the couple tried utilizing marriage education to increase their ability to communicate and resolve conflicts? While each couple is complicated, this is one solution that we hope couples will consider to bring their sex life back to a satisfying level for both partners. Being able to talk about anything as a couple in a healthy way is a good beginning to a possible restoration of their sex lives. Read the article here.

Any thoughts on “No Sex” Marriages? Have you worked through this issue with your spouse?

If You Hear “You Look Fine”: Watch Out!

Posted by Michele Olson

In chuckling over a current Cheerios commercial where a husband unintentionally gets into trouble over a comment that he did not mean, I remembered an article I read called “You Look Fine” by Dave Meurer for Marriage Partnership.* His wife asks him how an outfit looks and he has the great misfortune of simply saying “It looks fine.” Dave is a humorist and author of a book titled Mistake it Like a Man.

He states what was said, and then what she heard. He also explores how many different interpretations there can be to a word such as “fine.”

Brings me back to the Cheerios commercial.

It’s a great illustration of how we should think before we speak and how our words will encourage or deflate another person. Or, how something we had no intention of ever implying is “out there” because we chose the wrong words. We don’t want to all be walking on egg shells, but considering how many times a day someone’s words can affect your mood, it’s a good reminder to think before we speak, because our words are important.

Or…maybe you will just enjoy a good laugh when you read this article. That would be fine too.

Any good examples in your own marriage of this type of thing?

*Marriage Partnership is a non-for-profit Communications Ministry of ChristianityToday.com

Quiz Question: Who Doesn't Love a Quiz?

Posted by Michele Olson

Who doesn’t love a fun quiz type exercise to find out more about yourself, your loved ones or a situation?

Power of Two has a great website filled with these types of quizzes which also include graphics that will make you smile. The latest quiz question asks: Are you an effective listener?

Although this is geared to expectant parents…anyone can learn from the skills being taught.

The expectant parent area of the site also contains self assessments, skill builders, quiz shows and new Dad skills…all interactive, fun, informative and well worth your time.

With an eye on growth, right now the quizzes are in the teen and expectant parent area…with more to come married and engaged couples.

Explore and have some fun at PowerofTwo.org They’ve hit on a very engaging style of learning. Take a break from your regular routine today and take a few quizzes!